Saturday, December 30, 2006

Eleven Is The Magic Number. That's Why.

1- A 2000 riyal Abaya my ass. I'm not paying that much money for something I despise. And I want to drive already. This is ridiculous.

2- Ladies, I love you as you are. Stop pretending you're boys. It's getting old. And you're not fooling anyone. Aha, not even when we close our eyes and pretend really really hard.

3- I highly recommend short hair.

4- It has never been this cold in Riyadh.

5- Am I the olny one who has no plans for New Years eve? I'm not even looking forward to it.
Honeslty, what's the big deal? So it'll be 2007. How will that be different from 2006? Or 2005? Or 847987?

6- Is it just me, or is Saddam Hussein being considered a martyr?
I am not surprised.
And not because we Arabs are fond of violent dictators.

7- Jackass is pure comic genius.


9- Organised religion is going to be the death of me. 5alaaaaaaaaaaaaaa9999999 Leave me alone.

10- If you think I'm stupid I think you're a fucking lunatic who eats his own poo. (Yes, I saw.)

11- Love makes the world go round <3

Loving it.


Sunday, December 24, 2006

Brains Over Brawn

Yul Kwon won survivor.



Man, I'm SO HAPPY. Finally someone who deserves to win this game.

I would love to go on survivor.



Thursday, December 21, 2006

لكم دينكم و لي دين

When people talk about a muslim becoming an Atheist or whatever, generally they're sad.
Tell them it's a Saudi and all fucking hell will break loose.

I mean, it makes perfect sense to me. I understand how, among our society, this conventionalism most people call 'our' religion gets tiresome.

Except many people have not been taught that this is conventionalism and not Islam, and that is where the problem lies.
In my opinion, the most dangerous thing in the world to one's faith, is mixing it with tradition. Many of the things that we practice here are forced upon us under the guise of Islam. It's devastating. You start questioning everything you believe in, and eventually you start to lose your faith.
And no, I do not believe faith is a stupid thing to have, because I do not believe that it is 'blind faith.'
Faith is not blind. I know what I believe in, what I have faith in, and it exsists because I feel it and it is there and I know.
And it doesn't make me brain-washed, stupid, or naive.
It makes me a believer.
And I have a right to beileve just as (dare I say it) others have a right not to. Saudi or otherwise.
Oh, and I heart the Shea.
Can't we all just get along?


Saturday, December 16, 2006

I Was Watching AlRai,

and there was a rerun of this... talk show.
Basically it's a man who thinks he is close enough to God to critisize everyone and give them advice.
I find it all very ironic, to tell you the truth.
I mean... Islam is primarily about not recognizing false idols.
And yet there are people on television telling others how to worship their own God.
It is astounding to me.

So today the guy was talking about lesbians.
Imagine that. A whole one hour of television dedicated to putting down lesbians.

You know, it's hillarious how some people think lesbians in particular are... The spawn of satan or something. They're so dramatic about it.
Personally, I dont agree with gay people's lifestyles, but I try not to judge them. I don't think I do.
And I definitely don't think I'm better or worse than any gay person.
I just wish we could all live together in a castle in the sky where we ride winged unicorns and eat non-fat pink marshmallows all day.

That is not going to happen in this lifetime.

So back to the guy on AlRai. A (surprise) Saudi calls in, and he start saying that girls turn gay because their friends turn them gay. "One bad apple spoils the whole bunch," is what he says.
Okay, I have a problem with that.
People are not friut. We have (hopefully) functioning brains.
If I want to become a homosexual, I will. Whether or not someone 'turns' me is not an issue.
Honestly. What idiots.
It is shocking that these people are this concerned about the rise in the number of lesbians in the Arab/Muslim world.
Somalia, a muslim country, is the most poverty stricken nation in the world.
Am I the only person ashamed that poverty still exists in this day and age?
And here we are still talking about how being gay is the "worst thing you can do to your family!"

How about wasting thousands on a television show, or a whole television station, that isn't doing anyone any good, when that money can save hundreds of families in Zimbabwe?
I know my family would be pretty fucking ashamed of that.

When will people stop trying to force everyone into their way of thinking?
How would they like it if I tapped their wives on the shoulder and told them to leave their husbands and join the lesbian band wagon because I think their husbands are complete douche bags?
It is, afterall, my opinion. And my opinion is really all that counts.

Some people are straight.
Some people are gay.
Accept it. And stop telling everyone how to think. You're giving me a headache.


Wednesday, December 13, 2006

Wait... How The Hell Did I Manage To End Up Talking About Condoms?

I can't post from my house because blogger beta is a piece of **%%$#$$.
No swear word could possibly describe how much of a fucktard you are, blogger.

Oh! There you go, it's fucktard.

Moving on.
I believe in being polite. No matter what.
And I like to think I am polite. Most of the time.
It really shouldn't matter whether or not you're in a good mood. You should always be courteous.
So it really pisses me off when strangers look at you like you're a lunatic when you open a door for them or help them pick up something they've dropped. What the fuck is that about? I'm not gonna turn into some obsessive stalking freak if you thank me. You're not that pretty.
And then these same people expect you to just help them or do things for them. In their puny little minds, you exist to help them. It is the purpose for which you were created.
They would ask, for example "Where is building 23?"
And they would be shocked when you say you're not sure. And then, shock would turn into offence when you point out thate there is a sign infron of each building that tells you what number it is.
And what the hell are you thinking. Expecting them to thank you. Screw you for not offering to carry them to building 23. Fucking piece of shit.

Apply it.

That sounded like those ads that encourage teenagers to use condoms.
Which is also good advice, children.


PS. I knew the title would catch your eye. Gillat 7aya.

Tuesday, December 05, 2006

I Heart Simpletons

I wish some people would take themselves more seriously.
Let me explain.
Almost all the med-students I know either act really dumb, or are really dumb.
I am genuinely worried about the standard of doctors that are going to be around in 10-20 years.
This is how a conversation with a friend of mine who is in her second year of medical school went:
"I, like, saw you from across the room, and I thought it was you and then I, like, said to myself "it can't be her!" And then so and so told me it was you and so I, like, came by to say hi, like."
"…Min jid min jid t3'ayarti…."
"Yeah. People generally continue to grow even after the age of ten."
"… Aham shay…"
I wanted to slap her.
This person will be treating our children when she graduates. She will be called a Doctor. They'll give her a stethoscope and everything.

Even if this is the way she normally talks – and I seriously doubt it
- she and all the people who talk and act like this, need to take
themselves more seriously.
I'm not saying we should all sit around quoting Freud. I am saying
that when you reach a certain age, you must conduct yourself
Words like 'min jid' and 'aham shay' are teenybopper zombie words. They mean absolutely nothing. They're filler words. People say them when they have nothing else to say, but still want to create some sort of noise using their mouth. Many people have nothing to say but wish to make sounds very often.
Don't you think that at 19 or 20 years old, one should find other –
more expressive – words to use?

And it's not just how these people talk. It's what they say, how they act. Just everything about them screams 'halfwit'. And what's sad is that most of them probably aren't halfwits. They just act like this because they think it's cool to be stupid.
The bright side if this is, it's these guys that make everyone else look good.


Saturday, November 25, 2006

If You Want My Respect, EARN IT!

I am sick and tired of middle-aged women abusing and taking advantage of me.
Just because I'm polite enough to offer you my seat, or help you with whatever you're carrying, doesn't mean you get to unleash your bitchiness on me.

A few days ago, I was at... Let's call it an event, with two of my friends.
One went to the ladies room, and I put my hand on her seat and sort of leaned on it. It was very crowded, and I felt I needed to save her seat.

So I'm talking to my other friend, and suddenly this (you guessed it) late-40-early-50-something year old woman comes over, and without even looking at me, brushes my hand aside and sits down in my friend's seat!

"Umm.. Ma3laish 5alti, ana 7ajza hatha ilma7al l9a7ibti." (Excuse me, Ma'am, this is my friend's seat. I'm saving it for her.")
"La, 7abeebti, hatha ma7alina i7na min zaman." ("No, my dear, this has been our seat for a long time.")
And she looks over to her imbecilic friend, and gives her (what she thinks is) a sly smile.
"You see this woman next to me?" I say in the loudest voice possible (without sounding like I've lost my mind.)
"Yes?" Replies my friend.
"She just stole Lulu's seat."
"She thinks she's so tough. You know, I hate how our society makes people think the older you are, the more you can boss people around. Just because she's "seen the wold" (yeah right) doesn't mean she can take out her frustrations on teenage girls. She doesn't know this, though. She think she has a right to my seat. She thinks the more she gets up there the more important she is. She thinks she is automatically respected by everyone. She doesn't know that in your 50s being an ass is being an ass. She probably thinks she's polite and civilized..."

And so on.
I don't even know what I said exactly. I just went on till she got up and found herself another seat.
I don't think I hurt her feelings, I think I annoyed her.

A few moths ago I picked up my cell phone and a (middleaged) woman shouted: "Lulwa?"
"No. Wrong number."
"What?! Who is this!??"
"Uhh... Who's this?"
"Don't ask me who I am. Let me just speak to Lulwa."
(Laughing) "Lady, you called me. I get to ask who you are. And this is not Lulwa's phone. It is my phone."
"Well I called Lulwa's phone not yours. Put her on."

This is what I have to put up with. I have to give up my seat to depressed, pushy old women (not because there isn't enough seating, but because she feels like harassing some young blood), or make Lulwas appear out of thin air for her majesty the queen of the deranged.

The middleaged should grow up.


Tuesday, November 21, 2006

All Of A Sudden It's Cold and Rainy.

I really have nothing to say, other than my toe has almost completely healed.

And school is so depressing. I hate people who think they're smarter than me. Because even if they were, (and they're not, trust me) they shouldn't be bragging.
And anyway, smart people as a rule don't brag about their brain power. So even you are smart, bragging about it automatically makes you stupid.
So there.


Wednesday, November 15, 2006

Someone In Here Smells Nice.

Has anyone ever noticed that we don't have handicapped/disabled parking spaces here in Riyadh?
I only noticed recently because of my current temporary disability. Shut up. It hurts.
How do people with physical disabilities manage without the convenience of their parking spaces?
It just isn't right.
Isn't anyone campaigning or anything?


Friday, November 10, 2006

Apple are Vermin Because:

1. They claim the iPod is user-friendly, and it is marketed as such. It's so 'user friendly' that it doesn't need a proper manual. If you have any problems you can visit their damn 'user friendly' website.
The truth of the matter is, it is not at all user-friendly. It freezes on day three, and you can forget about "easily uploading all you videos!"
Unless ofcourse, you plan on purchasing all of them from the iTunes store...

2. It is overrated. And frankly, setting the shit it needs up on your computer is a pain in the ass.

3. It is overpriced.
When I first went to buy an mp3 player, I was looking for something durable, easy to use, and I wanted to be able to play videos on it (which is not going to happen anytime soon). Cost wasn't an issue, as long as it had those three things.
It doesn't.
And looking back, I think 'I payed how much!?'
I feel like a sucker. Oh, wait I am.

4. It isn't just a matter of dragging and dropping a file onto your iPod anymore. You need to "sync" it with your iPod first. All in all it takes about 30 years to do that.
Happy syncing!

5. Their website offers crap advice.
"You're done syncing... Now your iPod plays videos without audio? Tough luck.

Oh! You want a solution? Yeah, about that...

There isn't one."

Do not buy an iPod.

Apple people, I am very upset with you.


Sunday, November 05, 2006

Sexual Harassment Part... Oh Screw It. I Lost Count.

This made me so upset.
You cannot imagine.

Firstly, I'd like to point out what it proves:
1. An Abaya and or veil will not protect you from harassment.
2. Our (yes, our. Women in many Arab countries have had similar experiences) youth is sexually frustrated to the point of insanity.
While reading I imagined a stampede of sex-crazed rabid dogs. It's like they're not even human anymore.
What does that to a person?

Go on.
Tell me the ladies were asking for their shirts to be ripped off. Tell me they probably liked it.
You know I love hearing it.

I feel as though I will never see an improvement in our society in my lifetime.
Hopelessness is not a pretty feeling.

"...If it was the action of one I would still be pretty outraged. Girls should fucking panic. Or shall we tell them oh it’s only a few guys who would possibly rip off your clothes in broad daylight, you know, it’s downtown Cairo, chill out and have a sheesha. It is this lack of outrage and a blasé normalisation of the sickness that has helped it progress unchallenged or treated for so long. "
I couldn't have said any of that better myself.
Sexual Education is the key. So are many many other things, but I'd so love it if we started with that.
There are stories of girls attacking other girls at schools and college, so it's not just a problem with boys.
I cannot imagine what the girls who were there are going through.
Allah y3awi6'hom bildunya wila5rah.

Saturday, November 04, 2006

My Brain Says:

Life really does imitate art. I cannot count how many times I have been reminded of my own experiences while reading a book or a play.
Greek Tragedies included.
Life can be so surreal.

Who else thinks the adoption of baby David is eerily reminiscent of modern slavery?
I'll admit I don't know many of the details that concern this particular case, but it looks to me that the adoption process was fast-tracked. God knows it takes an eternity to round up adoption papers anywhere in the world, let alone a country where running water is unheard of.
It is being called a legitimate adoption. I say she bought the child.

Who the hell came up with the concept of examinations? They should be tarred an featherd. And then urinated on.
I have no problems understading why med students should be examined. I completely understand why they need to memorize the intricacies of complex.... Err... Procedures.... And things. Yeah.
I just don't understand why it is necessary for me to.
I assure you, force-feeding me (or any other human being) information about communism is not going to save lives.
If ever the need for the information I have studied arises, I could always look it up.
I'm supposed to be studying for a test. Can you tell?

In other news, my toe is healing nicely.
And I'm still not getting any free candy, dammit.


Tuesday, October 31, 2006

I Hate It When...

... I am told to "calm down."
I am calm, damn you.

Yesterday someone asked me to calm down on the messenger.
That was it for me. I have to vent.
And no, I wasn't saying anything mean or even angry-sounding.
She asked (nagged, actually) me where to find something on the internet for a porject she was working on for her drama class, and I referred her to like, the bestest website ever on drama that has, like all the answers to all the questions you could ever have about drama!

Just because I am not cold and passive doesn't mean I have a short fuse.
I am passionate. Not angry.


Thursday, October 26, 2006

The Media Just HAS To Ruin The Image Of Everything, Doesn't It?

There is this commercial where some girl falls asleep on a white couch and then wakes up worried she... Ahem... Made a mess.
Then she remembers she wearing X brand of feminine towel.

There is another magazine add where a tampon or towel is compared to a baby's diaper.

Who else thinks men came up with these ad campaigns?

Who else thinks they're beastly?

Alright now, show of hands, who here thinks the guys who came up with these add campaigns are somehow related to the cretins who design bras?
(Although, they're not entirely at fault. What simpleton hires a man to design women's underwear? Honestly.)
Anyway, back to toiletries.

What happened to the nicer ads?

Wait a minute, there's no such thing as the nicer ads.

They're all crap.

There's the diaper ones, the "brand X is more absorbant than brand Y... We even poured blue slime over them to prove it!", the "cotton-y feel" bull crap, the one where she's not comfortable bending over in yoga, and-
Who the hell cares.

I'll tell you what these companies should do, and I'm quoting a good friend:
"Absolutely nothing. We know to buy tampons and towels without hearing it on the damn TV. Like with comdoms and tissue-paper."

It's not that I think anyone should be ashamed of their period.
Periods are (hypothetically) beautiful.
I just think the way they're portrayed on TV is disgusting:

Woman: "Go away, perverted co-worker."
Perverted co-worker: "Fuck you, you bitch! What are you, PMSing?"

Someone shoot him.
Comedy my ass.

"نزول الدوره شيء جميل..رائع"

-أبله كوثر


Saturday, October 21, 2006

Somewhere Over The Rainbow


I'm having a wizard of Oz moment. I have been living in these shoes for three days. They're the only (really pretty) ones that my plastered foot fits into.
My very own Ruby Slippers.
I also only walk on yellow... Err... Things.
Honestly, there aren't enough yellow anything raods on this earth.
I demand more yellow brick roads!

My every desire must be met.
Hop to it.

In other news, it is now 6:51 AM and Mona and I still haven't slept.
We're quite proud of ourselves.
At sunrise strange things happen to your brain.


Very strange things.

I don't even remember taking that last one. Let alone remember the excuse.
Mona is fucking delirious.

Runs in the family.


Tuesday, October 17, 2006

It's Broken


When I was younger I read (I think it was) a Sweetvalley book, and one of the girls had broken her arm and was getting chocolate bars and the remote control and nice-ness in general from everyone.
In reality, when you're 19 and not 8, no one really gives a shit about your broken pinky toe. Let alone share their damn candy.
You get a little "awww! How did it happen?" but once you tell them you were running around the house (literally) at 3 AM like a moron the look of sympathy is replaced with the 'God, I knew you'd hurt yourself being yourself one day.' face.
In other words, laughter.
And mockery in general.

Drama drama drama.

And yet, for some bewildering reason...

I'm still in love with life.

The love-struck,

Friday, October 13, 2006

The Denmark Archives

Oooh the Pope said something mean about Muslims!
Let's all sit around and pout!

For fuck's sake.
Why is it that people only pay attention to what the Pope (or the Dutch) say(s) when it's going to offend us? We couldn't care less what they think otherwise.

Honestly, who cares what anyone thinks of Arabs or Muslims.
I mean, people who think anything at all are automatically racist (or generalizing). Not that we should care, though.

Think about it. No-one started 'randomly' searching white American men at airports after the Oklahoma bombing.
No-one thinks 'opressed' when they see a Japanese woman in her traditional Kimono.

Why is the 9/11 attack any different than Oklahoma? Why is a Kimono any different than a Hijab?

The next time someone asks whether you know any terrorists after you tell them you're Saudi or Muslim or Arabic, don't try to clear anything up or 'salvage' our reputation.
When some cartoonist makes fun of our Prophet, don't pay any attention to it.
We know you love him.... It's probably why you choose to follow his risala.
There is no need to shout your loyalty off roof tops, unless ofcourse, you feel the need to prove something...

Our Prophet (pbuh) has clearly demonstrated that mockery should not be met with outrage. Al-Rasool chose to ignore mockery, didn't he?
Why do some Muslims today continuously give attention (and, consequently, further media coverage and exposure) to it?
Do Muslims today feel that Al-Rasool's method was perhaps... Not good enough for them?
I doubt it.

We love our Prophet, and Islam is definitely not a laughing matter, that's a given. We do not need to further clarify (nor get angry about) anthing.
Terrorists come in all shapes, sizes, colors and nationalities. Hate manifests itself in many things.
We (Arabs, Muslims) do not need to justify ourselves or give excuses.
If you think we're hateful or primitive, we shouldn't care.
If you don't think "we" are anything, if you think humans are idividuals and generalizing and discriminating against people according to race or religion is as logical as discriminating against people who own blue umbrellas and enjoy collecting nail clippings, then your brain is fantastical.

Help me channel our fellow Muslim's fruitless frustration into something more productive, like, getting Somalia out of the little rut it's in. You know, it can't be a lot of fun being the most poverty-stricken country in the world.
I actually believe Somalia needs more attention than Denmark and, yes, even the Pope.

I'm evil, you see.


Thursday, October 12, 2006

"If You Put Things Off 'Till The Last Minute,

They only take a minute to do."

That's good advice.
You're welcome.

God, my friends are amazing.


Monday, October 09, 2006

Animal Crackers In My Soup...

I was sitting with a group of girls who were basically forcing their presence upon me.
It was okay untill they started talking about how much they spend on Chanel in Paris every year.
It became some sort of competition. Who spent the most money and where.

I'm sorry, I just threw up in my mouth a little.

Why do they think how much money their daddy makes/inherited is something to show off about? There are about 289738947209837249 people all around the world who can afford a Gucci key chain and a trip to Geneva.
It's not very special, I promise you.

I have a better idea for a competition: Who can burn their money the fastest.
Or who can eat a whole fried pink hippo in under three minutes.

I know what you're saying; 'Ubergirl, we do not mean to question your awesome brain power, but is there such a thing as a pink hippo?'


My point is, saying you bought a Chanel bag is as pointless as pink hippo eating contests (which don't exist, because obviously pink hippos are an endangered species.)

I think I'm allegic to people.


PS. Wish me a happy birthday, everyone!

Thursday, October 05, 2006

Saudi Television Is Becoming Controversial. Finally.

Am I the only one who is happy our social problems have been put on "display for the world to see" on Tash-ma-tash? ( a Saudi Ramadhan TV show)

When will we understand that nobody cares about our moronic social problems?
People think they're funny. Franky, if I didn't have to deal with them on a daily basis, I'd think they're fuckin' hillarious!
I'm talking about the Hay'a, the sexism, and the tribal hang-ups.

No, I don't think I'm being un-patriotic by enjoying this "embarrassment." I think everyone else is being un-patriotic by continuing to practice or support the afore mentioned issues. I don't usually know how most people think, but isn't being sexist and thinking you're better than everyone because your great-great-great (x 298) grandfather belonged to some tribe considered the true embarrassment to your country?

And no, I don't think talking about our problems makes them worse. Sure, on Tash, they're mostly making fun, but atleast they're getting people talking! After that one episode we talked about the tribal issues at the dinner table! We all got to express our outrage at what's hapening! It was glorious!
Only when we communicate will we begin to resolve our issues.

This year Tash has exceeded my expectations.
Sure, I didn't expect much in the first place, and they didn't really deliver anything spectacular, but I am grateful to them for bringing up important issues.
I only hope they're not put off by negative feedback.


Sunday, October 01, 2006

Yes, I Still Watch Survivor. Leave Me Alone.

Who watches Survivor Cook Islands?
It's fascinating.
I'm serious.

At first I bought the whole "social experiment" thing. But now I know better.
Firstly, people shouldn't be thought of as Asian, Hispanic, black, or caucasian, let alone be sorted according to race. People are people. Race should never have been an issue, ever.

Secondly, I don't consider myself at all racist. I'm probably the farthest thing from it.
But this is what I caught coming myself saying while watching Survivor:

"I hope the Japanese team wins.

... Asian, sorry."

"How come the black guy's so aggresive?"

"That blonde girl is such an idiot. My God!"

I rest my case.

I'm not saying watching Survivor will make you racist. I'm saying it makes you say things and think things.
Not all Koreans are smart, idealistic, and good looking. (Okay maybe they are.)
Not all men of African decent are aggressive.
And not all blondes are stupid.

Other than that, I'm actually enjoying it.

I hope Yul wins.
I also hope I'm not the only one who wants him and the other Korean chick (Rebecca?) to hook up. They'd be the cutest couple in the world.

Go Yul!

Okay. Gushing over.

Actually, post over.


Wednesday, September 27, 2006

Green Is Also The Color Of Snot, You Know.

I tried to ignore it. I really did.

This obnoxius "patriotism" is getting on my nerves.
The national day was last week, for God's sake! Why are people still "celebrating"?
Don't get me wrong, I am all for freedom of... Expression, if you want to call it that. I don't care if you want to wear green, red, blue or walk around naked to celebrate your country. Just don't nag me to join in the fun.
And do not pollute the stratosphere with your sickening rendition of a world cup song.
Believe it or not, wearing your flag on a t-shirt and singing does not make you a good citizen. And I'm afraid it doesn't even make you look like a good citizen.
Here's what does:
When your fellow Saudi is forced to divorce his wife because he is not "tribal", you do anything you can to help. You openly express your dismay, atleast.
Not agree with the judge.
Not think "how could she marry a non-tribal man, anyway?!"

I cannot begin to express how revolted I am by this story, and people's reactions to it.
How do people live with this much ignorance? Seriously?


Sunday, September 24, 2006

Ramadhan Kareem!

Sometimes I wish I were American.
Because if I were, I'd just sue the hell out of everyone who annoys me (for emotional distress) and be done with it.
I'd be very rich and happy.
And they'd deserve loosing all their money because if you bother me then you're a shit eating shit head.
Who eats their own shit.
And everyone knows shit eating shit heads who eat their own shit don't need any money.
So I'd be doing everyone a favour by sueing them for all they're worth, really.
I'm so thoughtful.

I saw the Hay'a today, for the first time since I got back from our trip.
I hate them so bad. The ones I saw today were perverted and may God never forgive them.
It is not their place to tell me what will make my God happy.
I would've slapped 'em with about 10 million zillion lawsuits if I ruled the world.
On second thought, they wouldn't exist if I ruled the world.
Don't you wish I ruled the world?
Me too.


Monday, September 18, 2006

I'm Hungry

I slept for 12 hours last night.
I'm exhausted.

School is such a horrible place.
Where horrible people socialize.
And emit horrible odors.
I am so sick of interrupting my much needed sleep to go there. It's an hour long drive from my house. And going there is like stepping back into the year 1756.
I wouldn't be surprised if people still considered camels a serious mode of transport over in that part of the city.
Not that camels aren't charming. They are. Especially when they spew out the contents of their stomaches, which (I have noticed) are usually green.

You're welcome. (For the lovely visual up there)

Why is everyone at school so boring? And more importantly, why do they all have the same face? And dress sense?
The other day I laughed at David Letterman. You know your life is lacking in excitement when you laugh at a Letterman joke.
Honestly, what a stale, boring man.
Why is he still on TV? What is he, 97?
Everyone knows Conan's the man.

Long live the string bikini dance.


Wednesday, September 13, 2006

And She Saves Lives, Too!

I was by the pool and one of the kids was drowning.
I can't believe how long it took for what was happening to register.
I felt shock and fear and I know everyone there froze. You can't help it. Your body just doesn't work anymore... You feel... heavy, is the closest word to it.
Next thing I know I'm in the pool lifting her out of the water. She was okay.
Very very shaken, but okay.

I like to think that I looked heroic. I dived (ever so gracefully) into the pool, fought off a killer whale, and retrieved the drowning child.
In reality she was in the shallow end. And I didn't dive. (Because if you dive into the shallow end you break your brain.)
The killer whale was totally there, though.

"You managed to find a reason to jump into the pool fully clothed on the one day you weren't wearing those sweatpants of yours. Good job!"

(After hearing of the incident) "Haha how stupid did you feel walking out of the pool in your sneakers? Man I'll bet it was the funniest thing..."
"It wasn't. Infact, I looked very cool. And sophisticated.

Just go away."

"Uber, what on earth are you going to do?"
"I can just borrow something from so&so's closet. It's no big deal. Although I didn't realize wet jeans are this heavy-"
"So&so's clothes are too small for you."

Leave it to my family to make you feel fat after rescuing a drowning child infront of their very eyes.

This post is going to inspire a Baywatch reunion or something, isn't it?
I can feel it.
I better get fucking payed if it does.
I do all the work around here. (Here being planet earth.)


Tuesday, September 12, 2006

Bringin' Sexy Back. (I'm running low on creativity. Give me a break.)

The death of Steve Irwin made me sad. He was so enthusiastic. (That's not why I was sad, I was just stating a random Croc Hunter fact.)
And now Anna Nicole Smith (of Anna Anna Anna Anna Nicole! She's so outrageous!)'s 20 year old son.
Death is so scary to me. I like stability. It scares me that I don't know when my time's gonna be up.

On a much lighter note, the Bring the Sexy Cow back petition I signed (in my head) has worked. She's baaaaaack!
And I will personally walk to her house and slap her if she ever quits again. I know where she lives. Ya Mona.


Saturday, September 09, 2006

I Make My Head Spin

I am such an emotional wreck these days.
Everything makes me cry now. (So leave me nice comments, you jerks.)

I didn't go to school today because I overslept.
I'm so over that place anyway. I havn't yet learned anything new there. Except for the fact that I could teach all of them a few things.
Everyone always says college is a good experience because you meet people from all walks of life and bla bla bla.
Well guess what?
I'm not impressed by people from all walks of life.
I don't really know how to adequately describe my feelings towards the human race.
I don't know whether it is that I'm not surprised by anyone anymore, or that everything and everyone absolutely shocks me.
Crazy, I know.

I want to get in touch with myself now. I really do.
Someone once told me that because we are originally Bedouins, only the desert can soothe us. Quite frankly, that might be spot on.
I know rivers and forests and hills do nothing for me. Nice scenery in general does nothing for me. Except pictures of deserts and sand dunes. I've always been drawn to them.
The last time I went to the desert I was like, ten. I saw a snake.
I almost pissed my pants I swear.
Getting in touch with yourself sounds so glamorous. Like drugs and suicide. (Joke.)

Plus, Bedouins are terribly sexy, you know.


Monday, September 04, 2006

I Live Amongst Strange People

My family is very tight-knit. We gather three times a week for lunch, and they put you through hell if you don't show up.
They are very... Colorful people.
I do love them. I really do.
I just have no fucking clue why.

They can be pushy. And insensitive. And hurtful. And sometimes, they take you for granted.

"Ubergirl, you've gained weight."
"No, I haven't."
"What do you mean you havent!? Am I imagining the weight you've gained!?"
"Am I imagining that the number on the scale hasn't changed for the past 6 months?"
"How convenient."

I sit. But not at the table. On a couch. Because my family has not yet noticed that its members have doubled in number during the past three years, and the table we sit at has not grown, nor have they provided extra seating.
And I'll be damned if I sit at the children's table.

While I am watching a good show on TV:
"Where the hell is my KitKat!? Uber did you eat my KitKat!?"
"I didn't touch your god damn KitKat. Leave me alone."
"Then where the hell is it!?"
"Hold on, let me use my KitKat Tracking powers... Hummm..... HOW THE HELL WOULD I KNOW WHERE YOUR KITKAT IS!? YA ALLAH!"
"Fine. You don't have to shout."
To get you to shut up yes I fucking do, evidently!

"Can I borrow that white shirt you wore last week?" I ask my sister.
Someone laughs.
"It wouldn't fit you!"
I don't say anything. Because it does fit.
And the only thing I can think of to say is very very mean.

After almost breaking my back helping someone move some ridiculously large vases from one part of the house to another, I get fucking shouted at because one of the 38947039 kids left their shoe somewhere and someone almost tripped over it.
I so should have ignored the blinding pain in my back, ignored that I wanted to get this over and done with, ignored the fact that I and my sister were the only people made to 'help' with this chore, and looked out for things that would potentially trip people up, and lifted them off the floor. I'm such a jackass.

"Ubergirl, what on earth are you wearing."
"Uhh... Sweatpants?"
"Those are GYM clothes!"
"They're comfortable."
"Whaat? I always wear these when I come here."
"Ofcourse you do! That's why you always look... Disheveled!"
"Yeah. On purpose. Grunge is making a comeback, you know."
"Allah Yihdeeki bass." (May God.. Something. I don't know, lol.)

"Ubergirl, would you go ask so and so to do this and that and the other thing?"
"Ubergirl, please run upstairs and get me my glasses? Not the frameless ones!"
"UBER! Where have you been? I want your opinion on so and so."
"Uber, that's a very... Err.. Interesting outfit you're wearing.."
All at the exact same time.
Can you imagine.
All at once. And they don't hear eachother. In their little lala land, they're the only one who is asking me to do something or expecting me to give them an answer. I cannot at all give four people the same ammount of concentratin at the same time. So what I end up doing is making some lame joke out of it: "Boy, am I on demand!" Or, "I'm glad to see no one hates me anymore."
No one ever gets it.

A conversation with my father while I'm watching Prison Break:
"How very beneficial for Fox that everyone in this prison is good-looking."
"It's just these two that are. Not the whole prison, Baba."
Three minutes later:
"Tattoos? What- No one's suspicious? Are you actually buying this?"
"Yes, thank you. Now will you quit poking holes in the plot? Please Baba! I'm enjoing this."
He looks disappointed.

And the classic:
"Ubergirl did this and that." (Yes, they know I'm in the room.)
"Yes, only because-"
"You cannot be serious! What do you think, uber'smom?"
"I've given up. It's a lost cause."
"Will you just let me explain! I-"
"That girl is crazy, I tell you. Crazy."
They only stop talking about me when I leave the room. I am convinced it's a prank. They probably laugh for hours once I'm gone.

That was absolutely nothing, by the way. I have witnessed much, much worse done to other members. I live amongst strange people.

"The family - that dear octopus from whose tentacles we never quite escape, nor, in our inmost hearts, ever quite wish to. " -Dodie Smith.


Sunday, September 03, 2006

Don't Get Excited

Girls, I don't care what age you are, if you have any questions about anything, please Email me. I don't have to know who you are, I won't ask. But if you need advice, or anything else please let me know. About absolutely anything. I won't judge, I promise.

I'm sorry I haven't posted anything new in so long, it's just that there is nothing new. I'm in a much better mood than usual today. I don't feel like whining about anything in particular... Except (you knew it was coming), the fact that girls here are so confused. Secretly confused. There are many things you can't talk about with your friends, and parents and teachers are out of the question. That is really why I'd like you girls to Email me. I might be able to help.
Guys too, actually. Do not hesitate to ask.

I'm looking up at the sky, and it's like there's a big cloud of dust hovering over the city. I'm fascinated.

Peace and love!


Monday, August 28, 2006

"God Protect Me From Your "Followers""

I hate Abayas.
Stupid Hay'a sticking us in black Abayas. As if it weren't hot enough in Saudi Arabia!

I hate hate haaate the Hay'a.
I realize they're trying to be "religious", but I don't understand why they're trying to impose their "religion" upon everyone else! It's just so... Uncivilized!
I don't go around sharing my views on facial hair with them! I don't tell their wives and daughters and sisters and whoever the hell else they "own" how to dress and how to act and what to think!
They make us all do what they think is "right", and I think what they think is "right" is in fact wrong wrong wrong.
And let's not forget that the only thing in life that matters is what I, ubergirl, think. Just pretend you agree with that last sentence. I believe it. Please don't ruin that for me.

Why the hell do we listen to them? Why am I fucking scared of them!? It should be the other fucking way around! I know they've been given power, but who the fuck cares!
My highschool principle had power, I didn't give a shit. No-one gave a shit.
I hate the Hay'a so much.


Wednesday, August 23, 2006

If You're Offended By This Then I Mean YOU.

Gentlemen, (or should I just be honest and call you complete wastes of oxygen and all other resources?)
Stalking me will not get you my number. It might provoke an outburst (which I will find theraputic and you will find excruciatingly embarrassing.) It will certainly trigger disgust, and pity, but absolutely nothing more, you perverts.
Being rude doesn't make you more of a "man", fucktard.
I will only ever give you the time of day when you are my intellectual equals. That's right, kids. NEVER.
So I suggest you give up and take on something more productive, like knitting (it's quite simple, don't worry.)

Try to grow a few feet while you're shopping at Burberry. And shave, you disgusting pigs. Everywhere. You look like Yetis.
Animal noises are not in the least attractive, you neanderthals.

And you're only rude to us Arab girls. Banat baladkum. Hatha badal ma t3amlooni zay o5tikum. Lazim anadee ilsecruty guard ilbree6ani 3ahsan ysa3idni 3alaikom. Wallah 3aib.
That, I will never understand.
I will, however, keep pointing it out to you.


Saturday, August 19, 2006

The Number You Have DIaled Cannot Be Reached...

I dislike AlJawwal and Saudi Telecom.
They are such assholes.
Expensive assholes.

If you work for them (or own them), please Email me.
We need to have a discussion.


(don't worry, my fellow 3umala2 (customers) I'll give them an ass kicking they won't soon forget.)
Long live Mobily!

Thursday, August 17, 2006

The Muhamadiyah Attack

Things that frustrate me have been popping up out of no where this past week.
Take, for instance, this.
Why is that story still in the news?
It happened 10 years ago.
Not to mention it is her parent's fault.

Whereas, this is rarely mentioned in the news.

You know, the story of how four of the soldiers who are fighting for the freedom of Iraq raped a 14 year old girl and then murdered her along with the rest of her family.*
This is apparently one of many cases we haven't heard the details of.
I'm sure it's all to do with stopping the terrrissts from acquiring new-key-ler weapons.
Seriously, why is that not in the news all the time?
It sure as hell deserves to be!
I would very much like to see those soldiers trialed and senteced in Iraqi courts.

What is wrong with everyone!?
Why isn't anyone outraged? Why are American soldiers still in Iraq? They aren't happy there, and niether are the Iraqis! Get them back to their homes!
If I were American I'd demand that American soldiers be brought back home.
Honestly, let the Arabs sort out their own mess. No one asked America to police the world!

But I'm not American, I'm Arabic.
And I hate what's happening in Iraq and Afghanistan and Palestine.
And there's absolutely nothing I can do.
I hate not being able to fix things.
It's so frustrating!

And so the never-ending circle of frustration continues.


*Again: No offence to the Americans. I just don't like your government very much.

Sunday, August 13, 2006

My One Hundredth Post

I don't want anyone to congratulate me. Save yourself the effort.
Instead I want everyone to watch this.
Please please please, watch this video with an open mind.
Actually listen to what George Galloway is saying. Listen.

George Galloway is a Rockstar.


Saturday, August 12, 2006

A Few Of My Experiences With Arab Men, Part One

There is a group of Moroccans who make a point to shout "Habeebi!" (Darling!) whenever we pass by them. I hear it almost three times a week.
What is that about?

No, seriously?

I was having lunch with my sister today, we were both reading.
Now normally, when someone is reading, it is like they have a large 'Do Not Disturb' sign magically hanging over them, isn't it?
Not to the Arab male, apparently.
"Those men have been staring at us for the past half hour."
I look up and catch one's eye. He points at his friend who is walking over to us.
"Marhaba!" (Greetings!)
"Are you Arabic?"
I am tempted to say (in Arabic) "No, we are Vietnamese.", but decide I am not in the mood for this 60 something year old man to think I'm being cute.
"Uhh... Yes. We're Saudi."
"I knew it! I have been arguing that you are Arabic with those gentlemen over there. They think you're Italian."
"Yeah. We're not." I smile and go back to my book.
I look up and he's still there, leaning on our table.
"I am Dr.WhoGivesAShitWhatHisNameIs, from Syria."
"And... Where in Saudi Arabia do you live."
My sister says, "The capital." with out looking up from her book.
"Ahh! We lived there for almost 20 years! From 19HowTheFuckIsThis to 19UsefulToMe?!"
"That's before we were even born."
"Hoho! Yes it is!"
"Are you girls here on vacation?"
"Is your family here with you?"
"Do you study here?"
"Where do you study?"

Why has this clown not left yet? I think two minutes later.

"Who is your father?"
"Excuse me?"
"What is the name of your father?"
I ignore him.
"Where do you live? What street?"
"Sir, you came here wanting to know whether we were Arabic, now you know. I don't see how any of your other questions are relevant."
He starts blubbering about how he didn't want to cause us any 'inconvenience.'
Well, he has.
And no, curiosity doesn't justify any of his questions. I was polite enough to answer a few, but he is still one of the most annoying people I have ever come across.

Lastly is a little Saudi boy (the ones who have green mustaches) that follows us everywhere and knows exactly where we are at all times.
Without anyone even paying him.
He is usually seen with his gang of teenage boys, making a fool of himself.
All very exciting, I assure you.


Oh, and happy birthday LuLu!

Wednesday, August 09, 2006

Why Isn't The World Saying Anything?

One thing I wil never ever ever understand is why the whole world stands by and lets things like the war in Lebanon happen.
I can't believe no one's forcing Israel into a cease fire.
They are pulling children out of the rubble.

The whole concept of war is something I will never understand, either.
Growing up, they teach you that conflict is solved the "adult way" by talking things over.
And yet here we are, in the 21st century bombing the hell out of everything. (We, as in humans.)
Why are weapons even made?
Guns, bombs, the whole deal.
There is absolutely no need for any of it.

And if we're going to accuse Iran of supplying weapons to Hizbullah, we should also look into America supplying Israel with weapons. It is also supplying African countries (including Sierra Lione) with weapons, fueling the civil war.*
Or is that "different"?
I'll bet it is.

I know nothing about war, politics, or casualties, but I find it strange that over 700 people (30-40% of them children) have been killed in almost 4 weeks. I find it stranger that Israel is doing all of this because of two hostages, who are soldiers.
What I find even stranger still, is that Hizbullah are the only people who have pointed out that Israel has thousands of civillian hostages. No one seems to be paying much attention to that little fun fact.

No matter how I look at this, Hizbollah are in the right. Whether I watch Al-Jazeera or CNN, I come to the same conclusion.
I know in matters like this there is no "wrong" and "right", but in this particular case it is glaringly obvious.
I wish no harm upon the Israelis, Americans, or anyone else, but I'd like to state clearly that Hizbullah are in the right.
Again: I am completely opposed to war, and the killing of innocent people.
I'm just stating what I have concluded.

War is a fucker.
Let's all play nice.


*No offence to the Americans, but your government does do that stuff. It doesn't make you bad people, it just means I personally am not too fond of your government.
I'm not too fond of mine, either, but that's a whooole 'nother post.

Sunday, August 06, 2006

Yay for Italy!

The day Italy won the world cup was fun.
Italians are partiers.
I was kind of sort of rooting for France in the beginning.
Only because of Zedane, though.
That man oozes sex appeal.

When Italy won I cheered like my life counted on it.
Because I'm a backstabber and all I care about is winning.
What's it to you, butt munch?
(I'm paying homage to Beavis and Butthead because I love them for being the only show on German TV that is subtitled and not voice-overed. DADADAAAA!!)

We wore flags as capes and ran around the streets of London shouting "ITALIA!" at French passer-by.
We did get the occasional "Fook off.", and what I'm sure was a string of French obscenities, to which a "Haha. Don't be bitter about loosing, budd. It's only football!" was an appropriate retaliation.
Otherwise "You fuck off! You're the ones that lost! HAH!" worked, too.

And the Italians... Boy do I love y'all.
You weren't nasty when you found out we weren't Italian.
And you were even nice enough to let us keep pretending we were.
We fooled a hell of a lot of people.

Haha. Some guy came charging over to us, picked up Mona and just ran off.
It was fucking hillarious.

She didn't think it was so funny.
This is, though.
Mona you fucktard you're funny like shite, you know that?

The Italians are so charming.
Honestly, they are.
I'm not big on the accent, but when they force you into posing for their cameras by saying "Hey Byootifilla girrlss! Bella! Come take-a pik-churr! Bella!"
You find yourself asking: "Beautiful!? Really??.."
Instead of the customary kick in the balls and "Get the fuck off me, pervert! Officer! This man is harassing me!"
I don't know how they do it. Magic is my guess.

When it comes to accents, the French win hands down.
They can make the most idiotic- even disgusting- statements sound sexy.
"My sokss are' wett."
Yummy. I think I'm in love.

So there you have it.
The Italians may have won the World Cup, but the French have sexier accents.

If I ruled the world, it would so be cool.
I just felt like saying that.


Monday, July 31, 2006

Heat Wave...Wooooo

I'm not in London anymore.
I'm in some obscure little European village with my family. It is absolutely scorching, people.
You know something's wrong when the Khaleejis are fanning themselves.

London was fun.
Except for the hordes of Khaleeji boys who have nothing better to do than bother me.
More about that later.
As in in the next post.

I carried a notebook with me everywhere, and that is where I vented out all of my frustrations. Guess who's getting an exclusive look at what's inside of this little notebook of mine?

Yes you, dumbass!
Joke! Wallah I love you all! Not ALL... Just a whole bunch of you! Anyway, on with the rants!:

What idiot made the Saudi ID card all in Arabic? What is the point if you can only use it inside the Kingdom?
And no I am not about to carry my passport around with me like a fool.
And those muppets at the drug store.
Can you believe they won't sell me pain killers that say "for ages 12 and up" on the box because "I don't look 18", which I do.
Ofcourse my "ID" is useless because the only employee that can read Arabic doesn't know the date in Hijri.
It's shouldn't even be called ID.
It should be called... Umm.... Not ID.

Why is "when I'm back" not a polite answer to "When will you be back?"?
I don't know when exactly boredom will strike me. I don't know when I am going to decide to come home.
I can't say I'll be back at 12:43 because that would probably be a lie.
I find "when I'm back" to be not only a polite, but quite an accurate answer as well.

The superman movie sucks.
Who the fuck cast that Blue Crush chick as Lois Lane?
Dying her hair brown doesn't fool us, Hollywood!

Someone needs to knock Oprah off her high-horse.
Before she finds another cause to put her kindness on display and show the world how rich and "charitable" she is.

Hello, Oprah?

I know this is self-centered, but I find it incredible that all of the people in the world have their own lives, just as I do.
They all have issues and people and events to deal with.
The world doesn't revolve around me.
I am not the star of... Well... The world.


Friday, June 30, 2006

London, Baby! Yeah!

Tomorrow I will hand my parents an envelope right before I board the plane.
I will ask them to open it together when they get back home.

They will be in the living room. The TV will be blaring, and it will be about 3 AM.
Inside the envelope will be an article I cut out from a newspaper this morning.
The headline will read:
"Safar almorahi8een: 8unbola maw8oota"
"Teenagers On Holiday: A Time Bomb Waiting To Go Off"

I will be halfway to London.


No, really.


Tuesday, June 27, 2006


A friend of my mother's just got back from one of those mind, body and soul cleansing trecks in the forest/desert/mountains.
The ones where they sit around and do yoga and meditate all day.

I've never been good at any of that spiritual shit.
"Focus, and store all your energy in the space between your back and your assss... Hummmm..."

Not for me.

I love the big city life.
The Pollution.
The Corruption.
The gritty grime of it all! (Gritty grime is now a phrase.)

I cannot possibly sleep on a matt thingie in the middle of middle-of-no-where India and quit speaking and spend a week "finding myself."
What does that even mean; finding yourself.

I know where I am. I'm right here, writing this post.
In fact, I know where everyone who's reading this is right now: Sitting at your computer. In your house, office, or a net cafe, reading this post.

I should start charging for this.
I'd open my house to complete strangers, they'd sit by the pool and eat icecream and I'd point at each one and "find them."
I'd make millions.

Although I have to say I'm pretty jealous of the people who are all spiritual and shit.
It supposedly allows you to be very carefree.
I guess I'll never know.


Friday, June 23, 2006

Now I Know Why They Think We Like It When They Chase Us!

I woke up early this morning.
Early enough to have breakfast, a meal I very rarely get to experience. It was quite pleasant.

There really is nothing one can do at 10 AM.
I was channel surfing and came upon Rotana; our MTV.

I have to say, the music wasn't all that bad.
I kind of wished I was listening to it on one of our (three) radio stations instead of watching the videos, though.

Here's why:

In almost every other video, (they're all love songs) the guy... Well... Stalks the girl.
Hides outside her house.
Follows her around.
Watches her from afar.


I thought of how the average Saudi boy "gets" a girl.
Car chases.

I remember how as a child I, like most children my age, was not allowed to watch violence on television, because my parents were afraid I'd copy whatever I saw in the movie.

At the time, I thought they were being silly. Surely they knew I realized TV was just pretend?
Apparently, they did not.

And apparently, it is our full grown Saudi male who does not know TV is just pretend.

And yet... I am the one who "does not have the brain capacity of a male".



Wednesday, June 21, 2006

I Don't Want To Die Either

A little boy pointed at a picture of my grandfather and asked me why he died.
I am the worst person in the world to have the 'death talk' with a child. Sex talk I can do, but this...

"So that God can take him to heaven."
"Why did God want to take him to heaven?"
"Okay... Listen up. Everyone dies. We're all gonna die someday. And it was just Grandpa's time to go."
"We're all gonna die?"

What do these mothers teach their kids! Oy!

"Yes. We're aaaaallll going to die one day."
"Even me?"
"After a very long, wonderful life, yes."
"Bass ana ma ab3'a amoot... Abi ag3id hina 3indikom." (But I don't want to die... I want to stay here with all of you.)
"Okay then! You won't die sweety!"

  • I ruined a perfectly cheesy Chicken Soup Moment.
  • I promised a child that he would not die.
  • I failed to explain that people are happier when they die. (That's what they're telling kids these days, right?)
  • I promised a child that he would not die.

He's like, four. And he's now worried he'll die.

Oh, well.


Sunday, June 18, 2006

Green Beats Orange

I love my highschool friends.

Even when we haven't seen eachother in months, we might even look different, we always pick up right where we left off.
No formalities. Just us goofing around like we did in class two or six years ago.
I love that.
We don't pretend we haven't been through everything together.
We were all (and we still are, really) very close. We're very supportive of eachother, and we jump at the chance to offer help to any one of us who needs it.
We're family.
Whenever one of us was going to the supermarket or pharmacy, she'd ask if anyone in class needed anything, and someone always did.
Because going to the supermarket to only get one thing is stupid. You might aswell wait untill you need a bunch of stuff to go.
And I love how when you say, "Dammit! I'm out of clear nail polish!" in our class, a new bottle of clear nail polish would magically appear on your desk the next day.
Highschool might have sucked, but our class made it very bearable.

Today I called to ask a bunch of the girls to come over.
This is how I know nothing has changed:

"Wake up, it's fucking 3 O'Clock."
"What do you want?"
"Come over today."
"Okay. Are you gonna go get food? From the supermarket?"
"Uuhh... Yeah?"
"Great! Since you're going, could you get me a toothbrush?"
I laugh. "Sure."
"Listen, can you make sure it's not orange?"
"Not orange? Uhh...Oh-kaay..."
"Thanks. You're a life saver."

I got her a green one.


P.S.Check out this blog. Isn't it adoreable? She's only ten, so be nice, kids!

Saturday, June 17, 2006


When somone dies, I believe their body must be handled with respect.
Not photographed for the world to see.
I don't care who the person was, or what they did with the time they had on this earth. If everyone in the world deserves one thing, it is for their remains to be respected.
Yes, Al-Zarquawi and Saddam's sons included.
And it's not just them.
There are photographs and footage of people dead and dying everywhere.

Let's try and have some respect, people.

Wednesday, June 14, 2006


When it comes to soccer I don't know very much:
Goal = Good!

Not goal = Bad!

We won! = Good!

We lost! = Bad!

We tied with Tunisia.
The two worst teams in the whole World Cup... Err... Thing, battling it out.

I don't care if we "played well."
We didn't win.
Why the hell didn't we win!?



Sunday, June 11, 2006

These Are The Things That Annoy Me As Of Late:

People, please turn off the lights when you exit the room!
Would it kill you to save some energy?
I didn't think so.

If you tell me that you think I dress too "racy", I will tell you that it's very hot outside.
If my reply does not satisfy you, then you should ask my mother to consider relocating me from the land of eternal summer.
I swear if she does it, you will never see me again.

Mama I don't understand! Why do I have to live here!? Why should I suffer from your and dad's poor judgement in residence!?
Why, why, why??

Fine I'll stop whining.

Stop talking to me about your daddy's Porche/BMW/Mercedes/Rolls Royce.
I swear to God I'm not impressed.
No, not even a little bit.

Nope, still not impressed.


Friday, June 09, 2006

Down In The Streets

Last night I went out for dinner.
As I was leaving the restaurant, I noticed there was a secutiry guard positioned right outside.
I thought that was nice, they're finally taking secutrity issues seriously.

When I got in the car, a little girl ran after me and tapped on my window.

I hate that. Parents making their children beg on the streets.
Even if (for whatever reason) they're not getting donations from an official orgaization, there are many Masjids all over the city that will offer shelter and food for the needy.

It is disgusting. If you're gonna beg do it yourself, don't send your kid out to do it for you, for fuck's sake.

It was particularly saddening because I can't remember the last time I saw a child begging in the streets of Riyadh.
And I know it' not his job, but the security guard should have called the police.

Children need stability. They need responsible adults to look after them.
No matter how much that girl's parents might say they love her, I will never believe them.
How can they possibly make their little girl run around barefoot in dark alleys asking strangers for money.
She was so small, and it was so dark, that the driver almost drove away. We didn't notice her at first, and we're probably not the only ones. We could have easily ran over her.

Farm animals care more about their young than these people.
It should be illegal for irresponsible individuals to have children.


Tuesday, June 06, 2006

Star Shite

There's a girl that I like to talk with occasionally. She's very smart, and I generally like asking questions, so she's a good person to be around.
The other day a friend was going out with her and I tagged along. Smart girl brought a friend too.
So I'm having this very intense discussion with Smart girl, and out of no where her friend jumps right in and says (to me),
"What's you star sign?"
I almost slapped her, I swear to God.

I give her a look. You know which one I'm talking about.

And I go back to talking with Smart girl.

"Libra! I never would have guessed! You sure don't act like a Libran!"


"And how is a Libran supposed to act?"

"I don't know... Not like you." She giggles.

  1. Can't she see we're having an important discussion?
  2. Doesn't she know it's rude to interrupt people?
  3. What is it with people and star signs these days!?

Everyone I meet wants to know what my star sign is!

"Oh no! Don't tell me! Let me guess!"

Fucking airheads. UGH.


Sunday, June 04, 2006

Eve Will Be Back, Because I Said So

I'm sure if you read any other Saudi blog you know Eve's blog has been blocked.

And apparently we're all gonna be blocked eventually.
I'm terribly frightened. What ever will I do if my blog is next?!

Oh, I know!
I'll start another one. And another one. And another one...

You can't shut us up, my dears!
But hey, you can try.
Knock yourselves out.

Please fill this out. It'll only take 14 seconds of your time. I've timed it.


Friday, June 02, 2006

Good News!

Read this.

Now this:

تمكنت الأجهزة الأمنية في شرطة المنطقة الشرقية في السعودية من القبض على منتحل شخصية عضو هيئة الأمر بالمعروف والنهي عن المنكر، والذي ظهر أخيراً في وضع مخل بالآداب، مع فتاة في مقطع "بلوتوث" يتم تداوله على أجهزة الجوال.
وكانت شرطة الظهران قد تلقت بلاغاً من مواطن يؤكد معرفته بالشخص الذي ظهر في المقطع، حيث تم التحري عنه والقبض عليه.
وقالت صحيفة "الوطن" السعودية الخميس 1-6-2006 إن المقبوض عليه يعمل بشركة وطنية كبرى، وعمد في الفترة الأخيرة لإطلاق لحيته، والظهور بمظهر التقي الورع بهدف التمكن من تنفيذ جريمته. وتواصل الأجهزة الأمنية البحث عن شريكه في الجريمة ذاتها والذي تولى تصوير المشهد المخل.

Bottom line: He wasn't a Muttawa. And they arrested him.
I'm very happy.

Thanks Abdulla!


Wednesday, May 31, 2006

In Such An Ugly World, Something So Beautiful

When someone I care about is hurting, I always feel it is my responsibility to make it all better. And if I fail to make it all better I feel like shit. And I do now.

Because I can’t make it better.
I can’t make it better, and I want to. And I’m very used to getting what I want. I usually work hard for it, and I nearly always get it at the end.
And when someone I love, maybe even more than I love myself, is going through something like, say, a particularly nasty breakup, I go through it with her.

She has no idea I care this much. I don’t think anyone knows I care this much. But I do.
Maybe it’s the “big sister” instinct or whatever. The fact is that I love her so much, and I wish I could reach into her heart and make her stop loving that son of a bitch, but I can’t.
I want to beat him up so bad. He never deserved her.
He never will deserve even her toenail clippings, that scum.
Fuck all "players". That’s right; fuck you.

Don’t they know they’re hurting people? People I love?

He might have ruined the perfect person.
The world will never be the same.

One day he'll wake up and realize his whole life is nothing but a lie.
Then he'll be sorry.
Come to think of it, he's probably sorry already.
She will never forgive him.
And neither will I.

He might have ruined the perfect person.
The world will never be the same.


Sunday, May 28, 2006

Najdi Love!

Last night I read something quite... Disturbing.

I realize the rest of Saudi Arabia thinks we Najdis are barbarians, but please hear me out:
I am Najdi, and I never would have done that.
I am sorry you had to experience that, Mr.Yawmiyat. Really I am.

I have a story of my own.
My father was born in Najd, but grew up in Al-Shargiyah.
He was teased at school, they used to call him "Al-Najsi."
Not "Al-Najdi." Najsi.

My father tells us that story not with contempt or disfavor, he does not hold any grudges.
I wish I could say that was the end of this story.

When he was in second grade, he had a teacher that beat him every day.
He would walk into class and say, "Wain ilNajdi!?" (Where's the Najdi?)
The beatings got so bad that my father's older brother went to talk with the headmaster about it.

Second grade, can you imagine?

"What an assho- Err... What a jerk. Don't you hate him, Baba?" is what I said after hearing this story.
My dad just smiled and said: "No. He was ignorant. I pity him, but I do not hate nor resent him."
To this day my father refers to Ahl Al-Sharigiyah as the nicest people you will ever meet.

We could all learn something from this story.
I know that throughout history we Najdis have been absolutely horrid to the rest of you guys, I have heard all about the judges who always ruled in favour of the Najdi, the Quatif "quarantine", the butchering of innocent people in Hijaaz.
I've heard about it all, and it pains me. I hate to see anyone in the world suffering, let alone my own people (no not just the Najdis.)
We all have painful pasts. My (Najdi) grandfather watched the body of his aunt (that had been raped and murdered) being burried at the age of 11. He knew she was murdered and he had every reason to expect his mother, or even he, would be next.

My point is, and you knew this was coming, I am another "a7ma8" that is going to warn against generalization.
I of all people know it's hard not to generalize.
I know sometimes it even seems right, like when saying Najdis are idiots/jerks/jackasses/all of the above.
But let's be honest: it never is right.
If 99.9% of the population of Najd are idiots/jerks/jackasses/all of the above, it still wouldn't be fair to say they all are.

Thank you very much for not shoving a pen up that guy's ass, for not being violent or even rude. You really showed you are the bigger person.
And again, I'm sorry you have to go through that.

I look forward to the day we all become one big happy family!
My friend is telling me it'll never happen, let's prove her wrong.


PS. Wallah I love all of you guys! The Sunna, the Shee3a, il7jaaz, Najd, Shargiyah. You're all awesome! I feel all warm and fuzzy! Yay! Cupcakes for everyone!
Okay I'm going overboard. Sorry.


Friday, May 26, 2006


Yesterday I was talking with my mother. Just the two of us. A very rare occurance.
"Mama you know Flana got engaged."
"Wallah? I didn't think she was... The marrying type."
I laughed.
"What does that mean?"
"She looks gay. Doesn't she?"

That's what I said when I heard the news of her engagement.

You never think your mother would share something like that with you. Who she thinks might be gay.
I feel as though she and I are closer now, for some reason. It is a very strange feeling.


Tuesday, May 23, 2006

I Need A New Nose To Go With This Outfit...

Everyone's getting plastic surgery now.

If you've had a boob job, please do not wear those skimpy halter tops until the bruising and swelling goes down. I beg of you.
I need to get a shirt that says that.


Friday, May 19, 2006

Do Whatever You Want With Humans... Just Leave The Poor Bunnies Alone!

I am all for animal rights.
I think endangered animals should be protected by the law.
I think hurting endangered animals is a crime.

However, I am not against testing medications on rodents.

First of all, before we even think about animal rights, we need to consider human rights.
Crazy, huh?
Let me see... Where in the world are human rights being violated...
Let's make a list:

1.Abu Ghraib.
Allow me to quote:
"... remember, this is just what the military could confirm as having happened:

a. (S) Punching, slapping, and kicking detainees; jumping on their naked feet;
b. (S) Videotaping and photographing naked male and female detainees;
c. (S) Forcibly arranging detainees in various sexually explicit positions for photographing;
d. (S) Forcing detainees to remove their clothing and keeping them naked for several days at a time;
e. (S) Forcing naked male detainees to wear women's underwear;
f. (S) Forcing groups of male detainees to masturbate themselves while being photographed and videotaped;
g. (S) Arranging naked male detainees in a pile and then jumping on them;
h. (S) Positioning a naked detainee on a MRE Box, with a sandbag on his head, and attaching wires to his fingers, toes, and penis to simulate electric torture;
i. (S) Writing "I am a Rapest" (sic) on the leg of a detainee alleged to have forcibly raped a 15-year old fellow detainee, and then photographing him naked;
j. (S) Placing a dog chain or strap around a naked detainee's neck and having a female Soldier pose for a picture;
k. (S) A male MP guard having sex with a female detainee;
l. (S) Using military working dogs (without muzzles) to intimidate and frighten detainees, and in at least one case biting and severely injuring a detainee;
m. (S) Taking photographs of dead Iraqi detainees.
a. (U) Breaking chemical lights and pouring the phosphoric liquid on detainees;
b. (U) Threatening detainees with a charged 9mm pistol;
c. (U) Pouring cold water on naked detainees;
d. (U) Beating detainees with a broom handle and a chair;
e. (U) Threatening male detainees with rape;
f. (U) Allowing a military police guard to stitch the wound of a detainee who was injured after being slammed against the wall in his cell;
g. (U) Sodomizing a detainee with a chemical light and perhaps a broom stick.
h. (U) Using military working dogs to frighten and intimidate detainees with threats of attack, and in one instance actually biting a detainee.

2.Guantanamo Bay.



I could go on forever.
Human rights are being violated everywhere. All the time.
And yet people seem to get more worked up about testing a drug on rats.
Don't they see the medications being tested will maybe save someone's life?

Wait a minute.. I'm being silly!
We can go test drugs on sick children in Nigeria!
We don't even have to tell the parents! Brilliant!
People in third world countries don't really deserve to live, anyway.


Wednesday, May 17, 2006

He's A Scumbag Don't Ya Know...

Arctic Monkeys are probably the best thing that's happened to Indie Rock since The Strokes.
Buy the CD. It's called "Whatever People Say I Am, That's What I'm Not."
Perfect ten.
Oh, my favorite track is Scummy, they changed it's name to "When The Sun Goes Down" when they released it as a single.
Don't really know why... Scummy is a better name for a song, I think.
They're awesome anyway.


Tuesday, May 16, 2006

I'm Warning You, This Is Ugly

"Today I'd like to talk about the issue of Saudi Arabian women driving cars."


"All the liberals want women to drive here. But I don't think it would be right. Think of all the car accidents they'll cause! And a woman can't possibly drive her car alone. She'd have to be accompanied by her brother or something. And what man would stand to be driven around by a woman? I mean.. It's not right. And anyway.. A recent survey shows that only 32% of women actually want to drive."

"And who conducted this survey?"

"Oh, I did! Think about it... We'd have to have policewomen. How will that work!?"
She laughs.

I didn't argue because I don't have the time nor energy.
And because I knew it would be fruitless.
Some people are just idiots, and no matter how hard you try to knock some common sense into their heads, you fail.

الله يعظم أجرنا

(Do you know how long it took me to type that in Arabic?)


Sunday, May 14, 2006

I Woke Up At 3PM

The internet at our house hasn't been woking for a few days.
I went to watch TV.
That wasn't working either.

What did people do before TV and the internet?


Friday, May 12, 2006

Jammaz Ya Jammaz

Doesn't Jammaz AlS7aimy (I hope I got his name right) look like a nice guy?
I feel so bad for him! He has to go through all kinds of shit.
People are hiring hit-men, for God's sake.
He was just in the wrong position at the wrong time.
He's awesome!
I'm kinda a fan of his in the same way that I'm a fan of William Hung.
You know, pity fandom.
I hope people start liking him soon.
It's bad enough people are saying mean things about him, they should leave his family out of it. I'm not linking to anything because I don't approve of any of it.


Sunday, May 07, 2006

I Thought Muttawas* Didn't Even *Like* Camera Phones..

Today I scarred myself emotionally. I will forever suffer the psychological consequences.
Or atleast for the next couple of days I will.

It all started when my idiot little mind made my idiot little mouth ask a friend to show me the video of the Muttawa* (member of the religious police) raping a girl.
I hate when I get all "I-won't-believe-it-till-I-see-it" on people.
Ya3ny she told you it exsisted, ubergirl... Why, why must you doubt!?
Because I'm "curious". That's why.
"Curious" my ass. Malgoofa is more like it.

It was horrible.
He had a beard and everything.
He was scolding her while doing it.
Who know they* were kinky, eh? Shut up! You were thinking it too!

It wasn't exactly rape, though.
Apparently they* had "caught" her doing something, and she was trading sex for freedom.
She was obviously okay with the whole.. Err.. Thing.

Not only was the tape horrible enough on it's own, it made me ask myself: "You mean they're*
not really "religious"? "


*I have recently learned that some men pose as religious police to do things like this.
I now firmly believe the man in the video I saw is not a real Muttawa.

Oh, one more thing. This is my blog. And I get to say whatever the hell I want. I can blame people, I can point fingers, I can say I hate the Hay2a. If you don't like it, then you better find yourself something else to read.
(Please note that I can blame and point fingers, but I haven't in this post. I just want to state that I can if I want to.)

Friday, May 05, 2006

Let's Just Randomly Stroke Eachother While We Pose For Pictures, Girls!

I hate how female celebrities try to be all provocative and sexy.
It's disgusting.
I don't appreciate being forced into thinking of the Olsen Twins as lovers.
And yes, I think this picture is suggestive.
Believe me, no sisters would ever hug like that in real life.

I know they're told to do these things to appeal to.. people. I'm not calling anyone a pervert (even though I think people who fantasize about twins are perverted. Seriously. Think about it.)

I understand that's what they need to do to get publicity, but some people, like the Olsen twins in this particular picture, just try too hard.
Angelina Jolie can pull off sexy.
Halle Berry can pull of sexy.
Lindsey Lohan cannot.

These girls need to understand that you just can't force sex appeal!

Another quick way to get famous is to casually and "innocently" use female genetalia in the name of your "band"/dancing troupe, a`la Pussy Cat Dolls.

Oh, I'm sorry.. They mean kitties?
Silly me!


Tuesday, May 02, 2006

My Thoughts On Denmark, And Darfur.

I am sick of people whining about Denmark.
We get it, you're offended. We all are.
And guess what?
Nobody cares. So get over it.

In the space of one month, I have only heard one person (briefly) talk about what's going on in Darfur.
In the space of two days you hear about those God damned cartoons five hundred times.
Not to mention the bumper stickers.
300,000 People have died in Darfur since 2003. Most of them starved to death.
One man in Afghanistan died while taking part in a protest demanding the government of Denmark publicly apologize for the cartoons.
Do they think the world needs more death?
How these people sleep at night is beyond me.

Let's all boycott Denmark because one man's doodle made us mad. YEAH!

Oh, and by the way, no one wants to boycott America for what's still happening in Abu Ghraib. There are tapes of people literally banging their heads on the wall, but we gotta handle them Denmarikians first, eh?

Also, I have noticed that we Saudis donate a lot of money to organizations that build Masjids in African countries.
I don't know about the rest of you guys, but I would much rather build a factory or a farm or whatever in Africa.
You don't need to build a Masjid! People can pray anywhere! Africans are starving to death. A Masjid is not going to feed them!


Friday, April 28, 2006

Ilgird Fe 3ain Ommo 3'azal!

I hate proud mothers.
I honestly do.
They think you're after their son(s).
And you're kinda not.
And they let the whole fucking world know when you've spoken a single word to their son that lives in fucking Outer Mongolia. And they make it sound like you want to hook up.
And then your mother hears of this.
And she gets worried you'll get pregnant (or whatever mothers worry about.)
And all you said was "Hello."
Not "Hello!"

Why doesn't anyone tell these mothers that their kids are ugly losers?
Is it going to disturb the chain of being?
I'm gonna find out.


Tuesday, April 25, 2006

Random Questions.

You know what's fun?
Asking random questions.

How many times a week do you shower?
How do you feel about carrots?
If you had to pick one color to wear for the rest of your life, what would it be?
Who are you shaping yourself after?
Aren't cows charming?

Ask a stranger a completely random question.
Randomness rocks my socks.


Thursday, April 20, 2006

Thank you Nour..

... For lending me Brokeback Mountain.
I loved it. Loved.
Aside from the fact that it's two semi-cute guys making out for two hours straight, it's a real love story, man.
I'm trying not to ruin it for anyone who hasn't seen it yet; but boy, are you in for a treat!


Wednesday, April 19, 2006

Shari3 5amsa And Star Academy

Okay, I officially hate the Shari3 5amsa crowd.
They're such airheads! It's not funny anymore!
I refuse to sit with them. I refuse to go to that wretched place. All anyone does there anyway is talk about other people. All. The. Fucking. Time.

I don't know about them, but I have a life. And I'd much rather be living it than talking about how other people live theirs.
It is sick how people enjoy talking about others behind their back.
I wish I could say no one cares about anyone else's life, but I can't. Because they do care. A great deal. And it's disturbing.
It's kind of why Star Academy is popular here, especially with girls.
When you're addicted to gossip, and when you live in a society such as ours that values it, Star Academy being a huge hit is not a surprise to me.
Plus if you can't live your life as freely as you want you might as well watch other people do it. I guess that idiotic show is the most convenient way to do that; you just turn on the TV from the comfort of your home, and voila! Instant gossip. And the "hot" guys who dance like strippers can't hurt.


Wednesday, April 12, 2006


Lately my diet has consisted of nothing but Cocoa Puffs.
Nothing but Cocoa Puffs.
Is that really as bad as my mother thinks it is?
There should definitely be more meals that come out of a cardboard box and only need the addition of milk.

Also, I noticed that there are billboards all over the city with (half) of David Beckham's face on them.
Last month there was a guy playing air guitar on one of those big screens they put at traffic lights. (Illi gidam 9a7ara.)
Correct me if I'm wrong, but ten years ago this stuff wouldn't have been allowed on the billboards, 9a7?


Sunday, April 09, 2006

Ubergirl Sheds Some Light On Demonic Possession.

I was just listening to my little cousin tell a story about a woman who kept shouting "Damn you demons! Quit possessing me!"

Here in Saudi Arabia people still believe that when someone goes crazy, they are most likely possessed.
I am even sure most of the Saudis reading this are thinking I'm crazy for not believing.
To answer the question I know you're asking yourself; I believe in Black Magic, but I do not believe in possession.

Let's ponder this for a moment.
The Arabic word for crazy is Majnoon. The closest I can get to the word demon in Arabic is Jinni.
Clearly one is derived from the other.
What I'm trying to say, is that for a very long time, possession and the loss of one's mind have been undoubtedly linked.

As recently as 50 years ago, people did not understand the concept of craziness. They immediately went to their Sheikh so that he could read Quraan and cure their possesed relative.
I'm not saying the Quraan isn't theraputic or that it would be useless in curing anything.
I'm just saying that 50 years ago, people did not know what mental illness was, so it is understandable that they believed in possesion. There was no other possible explanation back then.

But now there is.
Personality disorders are commonly mistaken for demonic possession:

Paranoid Personality Disorder refers to a “pervasive distrust and suspiciousness of others such that their motives are interpreted as malevolent.”

Schizotypal Personality Disorder refers to a “pervasive pattern of social and interpersonal deficits marked by acute discomfort with, and reduced capacity for, close relationships as well as by cognitive or perceptual distortions and eccentricities of behavior.”

Dependent Personality Disorder refers to a “pervasive and excessive need to be taken care of that leads to submissive and clinging behavior and fears of separation.” (Most people here mistake DPD for the nanny putting a curse on a child so that he likes her more than his parents, or whatever.)

And ofcourse, there is MPD. (Multiple Personality Disorder.)
You can imagine what people think of that. (Que flashbacks from The Exorcism Of Emily Rose.)

Please think about it before you blow up on me.


Thursday, April 06, 2006

Let's Just Change The Name To Sexist Arabia.

I remember back in highschool we were in Biology class, and a girl asked who's "fault" it was when a woman gives birth to a girl.
I turned to her and said "Honey, you might have been a "fault", but I am definitely not."

A few years before that I was at a dinner party and one woman was pregnant. Another woman asked whether it was a boy or a girl, and the mother-to-be said it was a girl.
The woman started consoling her. "Don't worry!", she said, "You'll get a boy next time!"

These people infuriate me! And there are millions of them! Millions!

So what do we do? I am tired of arguing.


Monday, April 03, 2006

I Do This When I Have Nothing To Write About.

Noor tagged me a while back.
Here it goes:

What is your idea of perfect happiness? Complete and utter freedom.

What is your greatest fear? Regret. I am always afraid that I will one day regret a choice I've made.

Which historical figure do you most identify with? Omar Ibnu Abdulaziz. I identify with the way he thought.

Which living person do you most admire? Probably Lubna Al-Olayan.

What is the trait you most deplore in yourself? I make too much out of first impressions.

What is the trait you most deplore in others? I cannot handle rude people. Especially strangers. I don't care that they had a bad day. It does not justify their being rude.

What is your greatest extravagance? I spend a lot of my money on shoes. A lot of my money.

On what occasion do you lie? I acutually very rarely lie. I'm not good at it.

What do you dislike most about your appearance? Nothing. I'm happy with the way I look.

Which living person do you most despise? Paris Hilton and co.

Which words or phrases do you most overuse? There's not a particular phrase, but I do use a certain tone excessively.

If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be? Nothing. I like my imperfections. Honestly.

What do you consider your greatest achievement? Graduating high school. I had serious doubts at one point.

If you were to die and come back as a person or thing, what do you think it would be? I'd come back as an African medicine-woman or something.

Who are your favorite writers? I don't really have favorite writers. Only favorite books.

Who is your favorite hero of fiction? Batman. I grew up reading comic books, and I've always loved him the most because he's real. He doesn't have super powers or anything.

What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery? Losing a loved one. And watching people mourn over her/him. I hope I never have to experience it again.

Where would you like to live? London, New York, or Tokyo.

What is your most marked characteristic? I don't know.

What is the quality you most like in a woman? Confidence.

What is your greatest regret? Not visiting my grandpa that one time. Long story.

What OR Who is the greatest love of your life? Chocolate.

How would you like to die? I actually would not like to die.

I hereby tag whoever's up for it.