Friday, June 30, 2006

London, Baby! Yeah!

Tomorrow I will hand my parents an envelope right before I board the plane.
I will ask them to open it together when they get back home.

They will be in the living room. The TV will be blaring, and it will be about 3 AM.
Inside the envelope will be an article I cut out from a newspaper this morning.
The headline will read:
"Safar almorahi8een: 8unbola maw8oota"
"Teenagers On Holiday: A Time Bomb Waiting To Go Off"

I will be halfway to London.


No, really.


Tuesday, June 27, 2006


A friend of my mother's just got back from one of those mind, body and soul cleansing trecks in the forest/desert/mountains.
The ones where they sit around and do yoga and meditate all day.

I've never been good at any of that spiritual shit.
"Focus, and store all your energy in the space between your back and your assss... Hummmm..."

Not for me.

I love the big city life.
The Pollution.
The Corruption.
The gritty grime of it all! (Gritty grime is now a phrase.)

I cannot possibly sleep on a matt thingie in the middle of middle-of-no-where India and quit speaking and spend a week "finding myself."
What does that even mean; finding yourself.

I know where I am. I'm right here, writing this post.
In fact, I know where everyone who's reading this is right now: Sitting at your computer. In your house, office, or a net cafe, reading this post.

I should start charging for this.
I'd open my house to complete strangers, they'd sit by the pool and eat icecream and I'd point at each one and "find them."
I'd make millions.

Although I have to say I'm pretty jealous of the people who are all spiritual and shit.
It supposedly allows you to be very carefree.
I guess I'll never know.


Friday, June 23, 2006

Now I Know Why They Think We Like It When They Chase Us!

I woke up early this morning.
Early enough to have breakfast, a meal I very rarely get to experience. It was quite pleasant.

There really is nothing one can do at 10 AM.
I was channel surfing and came upon Rotana; our MTV.

I have to say, the music wasn't all that bad.
I kind of wished I was listening to it on one of our (three) radio stations instead of watching the videos, though.

Here's why:

In almost every other video, (they're all love songs) the guy... Well... Stalks the girl.
Hides outside her house.
Follows her around.
Watches her from afar.


I thought of how the average Saudi boy "gets" a girl.
Car chases.

I remember how as a child I, like most children my age, was not allowed to watch violence on television, because my parents were afraid I'd copy whatever I saw in the movie.

At the time, I thought they were being silly. Surely they knew I realized TV was just pretend?
Apparently, they did not.

And apparently, it is our full grown Saudi male who does not know TV is just pretend.

And yet... I am the one who "does not have the brain capacity of a male".



Wednesday, June 21, 2006

I Don't Want To Die Either

A little boy pointed at a picture of my grandfather and asked me why he died.
I am the worst person in the world to have the 'death talk' with a child. Sex talk I can do, but this...

"So that God can take him to heaven."
"Why did God want to take him to heaven?"
"Okay... Listen up. Everyone dies. We're all gonna die someday. And it was just Grandpa's time to go."
"We're all gonna die?"

What do these mothers teach their kids! Oy!

"Yes. We're aaaaallll going to die one day."
"Even me?"
"After a very long, wonderful life, yes."
"Bass ana ma ab3'a amoot... Abi ag3id hina 3indikom." (But I don't want to die... I want to stay here with all of you.)
"Okay then! You won't die sweety!"

  • I ruined a perfectly cheesy Chicken Soup Moment.
  • I promised a child that he would not die.
  • I failed to explain that people are happier when they die. (That's what they're telling kids these days, right?)
  • I promised a child that he would not die.

He's like, four. And he's now worried he'll die.

Oh, well.


Sunday, June 18, 2006

Green Beats Orange

I love my highschool friends.

Even when we haven't seen eachother in months, we might even look different, we always pick up right where we left off.
No formalities. Just us goofing around like we did in class two or six years ago.
I love that.
We don't pretend we haven't been through everything together.
We were all (and we still are, really) very close. We're very supportive of eachother, and we jump at the chance to offer help to any one of us who needs it.
We're family.
Whenever one of us was going to the supermarket or pharmacy, she'd ask if anyone in class needed anything, and someone always did.
Because going to the supermarket to only get one thing is stupid. You might aswell wait untill you need a bunch of stuff to go.
And I love how when you say, "Dammit! I'm out of clear nail polish!" in our class, a new bottle of clear nail polish would magically appear on your desk the next day.
Highschool might have sucked, but our class made it very bearable.

Today I called to ask a bunch of the girls to come over.
This is how I know nothing has changed:

"Wake up, it's fucking 3 O'Clock."
"What do you want?"
"Come over today."
"Okay. Are you gonna go get food? From the supermarket?"
"Uuhh... Yeah?"
"Great! Since you're going, could you get me a toothbrush?"
I laugh. "Sure."
"Listen, can you make sure it's not orange?"
"Not orange? Uhh...Oh-kaay..."
"Thanks. You're a life saver."

I got her a green one.


P.S.Check out this blog. Isn't it adoreable? She's only ten, so be nice, kids!

Saturday, June 17, 2006


When somone dies, I believe their body must be handled with respect.
Not photographed for the world to see.
I don't care who the person was, or what they did with the time they had on this earth. If everyone in the world deserves one thing, it is for their remains to be respected.
Yes, Al-Zarquawi and Saddam's sons included.
And it's not just them.
There are photographs and footage of people dead and dying everywhere.

Let's try and have some respect, people.

Wednesday, June 14, 2006


When it comes to soccer I don't know very much:
Goal = Good!

Not goal = Bad!

We won! = Good!

We lost! = Bad!

We tied with Tunisia.
The two worst teams in the whole World Cup... Err... Thing, battling it out.

I don't care if we "played well."
We didn't win.
Why the hell didn't we win!?



Sunday, June 11, 2006

These Are The Things That Annoy Me As Of Late:

People, please turn off the lights when you exit the room!
Would it kill you to save some energy?
I didn't think so.

If you tell me that you think I dress too "racy", I will tell you that it's very hot outside.
If my reply does not satisfy you, then you should ask my mother to consider relocating me from the land of eternal summer.
I swear if she does it, you will never see me again.

Mama I don't understand! Why do I have to live here!? Why should I suffer from your and dad's poor judgement in residence!?
Why, why, why??

Fine I'll stop whining.

Stop talking to me about your daddy's Porche/BMW/Mercedes/Rolls Royce.
I swear to God I'm not impressed.
No, not even a little bit.

Nope, still not impressed.


Friday, June 09, 2006

Down In The Streets

Last night I went out for dinner.
As I was leaving the restaurant, I noticed there was a secutiry guard positioned right outside.
I thought that was nice, they're finally taking secutrity issues seriously.

When I got in the car, a little girl ran after me and tapped on my window.

I hate that. Parents making their children beg on the streets.
Even if (for whatever reason) they're not getting donations from an official orgaization, there are many Masjids all over the city that will offer shelter and food for the needy.

It is disgusting. If you're gonna beg do it yourself, don't send your kid out to do it for you, for fuck's sake.

It was particularly saddening because I can't remember the last time I saw a child begging in the streets of Riyadh.
And I know it' not his job, but the security guard should have called the police.

Children need stability. They need responsible adults to look after them.
No matter how much that girl's parents might say they love her, I will never believe them.
How can they possibly make their little girl run around barefoot in dark alleys asking strangers for money.
She was so small, and it was so dark, that the driver almost drove away. We didn't notice her at first, and we're probably not the only ones. We could have easily ran over her.

Farm animals care more about their young than these people.
It should be illegal for irresponsible individuals to have children.


Tuesday, June 06, 2006

Star Shite

There's a girl that I like to talk with occasionally. She's very smart, and I generally like asking questions, so she's a good person to be around.
The other day a friend was going out with her and I tagged along. Smart girl brought a friend too.
So I'm having this very intense discussion with Smart girl, and out of no where her friend jumps right in and says (to me),
"What's you star sign?"
I almost slapped her, I swear to God.

I give her a look. You know which one I'm talking about.

And I go back to talking with Smart girl.

"Libra! I never would have guessed! You sure don't act like a Libran!"


"And how is a Libran supposed to act?"

"I don't know... Not like you." She giggles.

  1. Can't she see we're having an important discussion?
  2. Doesn't she know it's rude to interrupt people?
  3. What is it with people and star signs these days!?

Everyone I meet wants to know what my star sign is!

"Oh no! Don't tell me! Let me guess!"

Fucking airheads. UGH.


Sunday, June 04, 2006

Eve Will Be Back, Because I Said So

I'm sure if you read any other Saudi blog you know Eve's blog has been blocked.

And apparently we're all gonna be blocked eventually.
I'm terribly frightened. What ever will I do if my blog is next?!

Oh, I know!
I'll start another one. And another one. And another one...

You can't shut us up, my dears!
But hey, you can try.
Knock yourselves out.

Please fill this out. It'll only take 14 seconds of your time. I've timed it.


Friday, June 02, 2006

Good News!

Read this.

Now this:

تمكنت الأجهزة الأمنية في شرطة المنطقة الشرقية في السعودية من القبض على منتحل شخصية عضو هيئة الأمر بالمعروف والنهي عن المنكر، والذي ظهر أخيراً في وضع مخل بالآداب، مع فتاة في مقطع "بلوتوث" يتم تداوله على أجهزة الجوال.
وكانت شرطة الظهران قد تلقت بلاغاً من مواطن يؤكد معرفته بالشخص الذي ظهر في المقطع، حيث تم التحري عنه والقبض عليه.
وقالت صحيفة "الوطن" السعودية الخميس 1-6-2006 إن المقبوض عليه يعمل بشركة وطنية كبرى، وعمد في الفترة الأخيرة لإطلاق لحيته، والظهور بمظهر التقي الورع بهدف التمكن من تنفيذ جريمته. وتواصل الأجهزة الأمنية البحث عن شريكه في الجريمة ذاتها والذي تولى تصوير المشهد المخل.

Bottom line: He wasn't a Muttawa. And they arrested him.
I'm very happy.

Thanks Abdulla!