Sunday, February 26, 2006

Senior Citizens

Today I went to get an ID card.
I was not prepared for what I experienced.

I thought that by going at 7:30 in the morning I'd avoid the crowds and the long lines.
I hate it when I act all smart.

So I'm standing in line for 15 minutes, and then the largest old lady you can imagine comes up and tries to push me out of line!

I am being 100% serious.

"Excuse me, Ma'am! You need to stand at the end of the line! Ma'am! Please stop pushing me!"
"Oh, but I am an elderly lady," lady, indeed!
"and I have been here for a long time, just get out of my way!"

Please note that she and I were basically wrestling all through our pleasant little conversation.

"I said NO. I have to get to class after this! I will NOT be late because of you! Please, go away!"
Yeah. I said that to an old lady (while trying to pin her down. She is one strong mama.)
Don't give me that look! She was fucking asking for it.
And it worked, she went away.

Only to be followed by another (less violent) old lady.

What is it with the elderly and lines!? Why don't they just respect and follow rules!?

Here is a message to all old people:
No. I will not pity you.
Just because you're older, it does not mean you are all of a sudden above the rules that we common mortals must live by.

And no. I don't enjoy being mean to old people.
It was just this one time, I swear!


P.S: I know I promised you a "What I like about Saudi Arabia! Yaay!" rainbows and butterlies post, so sorry if anyone's disappointed. I'll do it next post! (Or... I'll try real hard to!)

Friday, February 24, 2006

Riyadh Fashion

Have I ever mentioned how I mentally give makeovers to everyone?
Yeah, I kinda do that.
So I was staring at all these clowns in tons of makeup, and then I got to thinking.
Why does everyone look the same?
It's depressing.
Bimbos with blush on their forheads in patriotic Abayas.
And don't get me started on the guys.
They think it's hot to give threatening looks to girls.
Yeah. Don't ask.
And why is there always one trend that everyone adheres to!?
Right now it's pale faces, mettalic bags, and stripper stilletos for the girls, while the guys are being nuisances in disgusting long hair and "ghetto fab" get-ups.
Saudi Arabia is seriously lacking in originality.


Wednesday, February 22, 2006

The 3ar6'a

The Saudi Arabian 'Ardha is a dance (I guess).
It's basically a bunch of men jumping up and down holding swords.
Last night I was at a party and they had traditional dancers who did a 'Ardha.
I think the 'Ardha is barbaric. Absolutley barbaric.
And it's horribly disturbing! (Not to mention dangerous)
Especially the part where there's some poor guy in the middle jerking around like he's possessed.
It's also quite awkward, in my opinoin. And it looks like a satanic rain dance of some sort.
But what I find truly appaling, is that it is a turn-on for most girls, and guys are impressed by it, for some reason.
But then again, we Arabs have always been violent, ay Westerners?
(I was being sarcastic with that last question.)


Saturday, February 18, 2006

An Open Letter To Groups Of People Who Annoy Me

Yeah. I'm doing this again. You know you want me to! *wink*

Dear pseudo lesbians at KSU:
Stop it. You're not fooling anyone with your imaginary penis. Wallah.
Please stop trying to "turn" everyone "gay". Honestly, it's getting old.
We all know you're only doing this because you're sexually frustrated. We all are. But there is a magical cure for this. It is called 'masturbation'.
We all know that had there been guys at school, you'd be all over them.
So stop flirting with me and start dressing like a female, for fuck's sake.

Dear idiots who always appear next to my car when there is a red light and cannot stop picking your noses:
Do you intentionally stop next to me just to piss me off? Or are there really that many of you?
Are you some 'Save the trees!' enthusiast? Is that why you don't use tissues?

I'm assuming you're related to the guy that always spits in the street. Will you ask him something for me?
Why does he always open the door to spit out? Why not just spit out the window?

I'm pretty sure I'll come up with more later.
Watch this space.


Thursday, February 16, 2006

Lock Me Up And Throw Away The Key!

Do you know that there is a special prison just for Royal Felons!?
I'm not even kidding.
Please allow me to quote the lovely creature who informed me of this "prison":
"I would fucking pay to be locked up there."

Enough said.
Now I understand those rumors about the prince who murdered the AlQuadi kid playing video games on the morning of his supposed execution.
They sound awfully thruth-like right about now.

This is making me sick!
When will there be justice in our beloved Kingdom!? I'm guessing in 847365029473626647 years.


Monday, February 13, 2006

Not Your Average Vday post. I'm Not Into That Crap.

Today I went to school to get some stuff done before the semester officially starts.
I kind of have a knack for meeting quite.. Strange people.
So I start talking to this girl, and she goes on about how she needs to do some Valetines day shopping..
Wait, here? In Riyadh!?
"Ah! Who's the lucky guy!?"
She looks at me all shy, and says: "My cousin! People don't approve of us seeing each other since he is my cousin and a year younger than I.. But one can't help what's in one's heart!
And the best thing about our relationship is that our parents are okay with it.. He even comes with us on vacations! It's great!"

And no, they're not ma56oobeen (engaged). I asked.

Hold on, did I miss something?
Was there some announcement that overly liberal parents were allowed to exist in this shit-hole?

I know it may seem strange to some people that cousins are dating.. But you have to understand that someone out right declaring their love for their Valentine is completely unheard of here!
She shared all that with a complete stranger!
I honestly cannot get over this...
We're Saudi, for God's sake!
Falling in love is 3aib!*


*I was being sarcastic. Get off my case.

Sunday, February 12, 2006

Till Marriage Do Us Part

I sat down next to S5 and said "So are you gonna tell us or what!?"
She giggled.
And then she said it:
"I'm engaged! I'm getting married!!"
She had the biggest grin on her face and she was glowing.
"No you're not!" I laughed.
"Uhh.. Yeah.. I am."
LuLu and I looked at each other. I swear it was like the world stood still for a minute.
"Wow! Who's the poor guy? When's the big day?"
We bombarded her with questions and talked about everything from the dress to lingerie.

The initial shock has worn off, but.. Wow. I mean, this girl is like a sister to me.
Is everything gonna change?
I'm so happy for her, and I love her like her hell, and I'm so excited and nervous and I don't want anything to change!
She said it wouldn't..
It won't change, right?



Saturday, February 11, 2006

To My LuLu-Belle

LuLu I missed you!
And I'm sorry for being a bitch!


Friday, February 10, 2006

My Perfect Luvaaa

I got tagged; you know that “describe your perfect lover” tag?

Well, he has to be in a band.

Yeah, that’s about it.

Physically, he has to resemble any one of these guys:

If any one out there looks like/is one of the guys pictured above, drop me a line.


And thanks to Mocha for helping me out!

Thursday, February 09, 2006

Home Again

I'm back, and I'm livid at the people of Saudi Arabia.

First off, (in general) we are lacking in originality! All the guys walk in gangs of identical hair (they're wearing it long now, God have mercy on our souls), and the girls are all in the same Abaya.
My God, get creative, people! What the hell is wrong with you!?
And I wish if they all insisted on dressing alike that they'd atleast don decent outfits! But noooo we Saudis have to look like complete idiots no matter what the cost!

Secondly, Dubai is turning into the second Beirut, God help me.
If you happen to have had dinner at the Marina recently you'd know what I'm talking about.
It's full to the brim with idiotic Saudis staring at each other.
That's it.
Just sitting and staring.
Oh, and they gossip.
They love their gossip!

I am so over the youth of this Kingdom! Their brains contain nothing but useless information about that God damned Star Academy!

Everyone's so shallow and unengaging! (Yeah, I made that word up.)

If any young Saudiette/Saudi happen to come across this blog, here's a letter I wrote just for you!:

Dear Saudi girl:
Please stop being an airhead. Please consider watching a movie that does not star Orlando Bloom for once.
Please stop talking about people who don't wear a Abaya in Dubai. It's a free country. One is allowed to not wear a Abaya. Wallah.
You know what, just get a life and stop talking about other peoples'.

Dear Saudi boy:
Please start shaving as soon as you hit puberty. I beg of you. A fuzzy face and semi mustache does not flatter anyone, I promise.
Please don't wear beige and/or brown. Wallah you look like snot when you do.
Please don't wear the same color shoes as your shirt. It does not (contrary to popular belief) make you look stylish. Just stupid. And (again) idiotic.


Oh, and to all you Saudi guys, one more thing; in your dreams, you little (insert bleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeps).