I was by the pool and one of the kids was drowning.
I can't believe how long it took for what was happening to register.
I felt shock and fear and I know everyone there froze. You can't help it. Your body just doesn't work anymore... You feel... heavy, is the closest word to it.
Next thing I know I'm in the pool lifting her out of the water. She was okay.
Very very shaken, but okay.
I like to think that I looked heroic. I dived (ever so gracefully) into the pool, fought off a killer whale, and retrieved the drowning child.
In reality she was in the shallow end. And I didn't dive. (Because if you dive into the shallow end you break your brain.)
The killer whale was totally there, though.
"You managed to find a reason to jump into the pool fully clothed on the one day you weren't wearing those sweatpants of yours. Good job!"
(After hearing of the incident) "Haha how stupid did you feel walking out of the pool in your sneakers? Man I'll bet it was the funniest thing..."
"It wasn't. Infact, I looked very cool. And sophisticated.
Just go away."
"Uber, what on earth are you going to do?"
"I can just borrow something from so&so's closet. It's no big deal. Although I didn't realize wet jeans are this heavy-"
"So&so's clothes are too small for you."
Leave it to my family to make you feel fat after rescuing a drowning child infront of their very eyes.
This post is going to inspire a Baywatch reunion or something, isn't it?
I can feel it.
I better get fucking payed if it does.
I do all the work around here. (Here being planet earth.)