Life really does imitate art. I cannot count how many times I have been reminded of my own experiences while reading a book or a play.
Greek Tragedies included.
Life can be so surreal.
Who else thinks the adoption of baby David is eerily reminiscent of modern slavery?
I'll admit I don't know many of the details that concern this particular case, but it looks to me that the adoption process was fast-tracked. God knows it takes an eternity to round up adoption papers anywhere in the world, let alone a country where running water is unheard of.
It is being called a legitimate adoption. I say she bought the child.
Who the hell came up with the concept of examinations? They should be tarred an featherd. And then urinated on.
I have no problems understading why med students should be examined. I completely understand why they need to memorize the intricacies of complex.... Err... Procedures.... And things. Yeah.
I just don't understand why it is necessary for me to.
I assure you, force-feeding me (or any other human being) information about communism is not going to save lives.
If ever the need for the information I have studied arises, I could always look it up.
I'm supposed to be studying for a test. Can you tell?
In other news, my toe is healing nicely.
And I'm still not getting any free candy, dammit.
ubergirl
Saturday, November 04, 2006
Tuesday, October 31, 2006
I Hate It When...
... I am told to "calm down."
I am calm, damn you.
Yesterday someone asked me to calm down on the messenger.
That was it for me. I have to vent.
And no, I wasn't saying anything mean or even angry-sounding.
She asked (nagged, actually) me where to find something on the internet for a porject she was working on for her drama class, and I referred her to like, the bestest website ever on drama that has, like all the answers to all the questions you could ever have about drama!
Just because I am not cold and passive doesn't mean I have a short fuse.
I am passionate. Not angry.
ubergirl
I am calm, damn you.
Yesterday someone asked me to calm down on the messenger.
That was it for me. I have to vent.
And no, I wasn't saying anything mean or even angry-sounding.
She asked (nagged, actually) me where to find something on the internet for a porject she was working on for her drama class, and I referred her to like, the bestest website ever on drama that has, like all the answers to all the questions you could ever have about drama!
Just because I am not cold and passive doesn't mean I have a short fuse.
I am passionate. Not angry.
ubergirl
Thursday, October 26, 2006
The Media Just HAS To Ruin The Image Of Everything, Doesn't It?
There is this commercial where some girl falls asleep on a white couch and then wakes up worried she... Ahem... Made a mess.
Then she remembers she wearing X brand of feminine towel.
There is another magazine add where a tampon or towel is compared to a baby's diaper.
Who else thinks men came up with these ad campaigns?
Who else thinks they're beastly?
Alright now, show of hands, who here thinks the guys who came up with these add campaigns are somehow related to the cretins who design bras?
(Although, they're not entirely at fault. What simpleton hires a man to design women's underwear? Honestly.)
Anyway, back to toiletries.
What happened to the nicer ads?
Wait a minute, there's no such thing as the nicer ads.
They're all crap.
There's the diaper ones, the "brand X is more absorbant than brand Y... We even poured blue slime over them to prove it!", the "cotton-y feel" bull crap, the one where she's not comfortable bending over in yoga, and-
Who the hell cares.
I'll tell you what these companies should do, and I'm quoting a good friend:
"Absolutely nothing. We know to buy tampons and towels without hearing it on the damn TV. Like with comdoms and tissue-paper."
It's not that I think anyone should be ashamed of their period.
Periods are (hypothetically) beautiful.
I just think the way they're portrayed on TV is disgusting:
Woman: "Go away, perverted co-worker."
Perverted co-worker: "Fuck you, you bitch! What are you, PMSing?"
Someone shoot him.
Comedy my ass.
"نزول الدوره شيء جميل..رائع"
-أبله كوثر
ubergirl
Then she remembers she wearing X brand of feminine towel.
There is another magazine add where a tampon or towel is compared to a baby's diaper.
Who else thinks men came up with these ad campaigns?
Who else thinks they're beastly?
Alright now, show of hands, who here thinks the guys who came up with these add campaigns are somehow related to the cretins who design bras?
(Although, they're not entirely at fault. What simpleton hires a man to design women's underwear? Honestly.)
Anyway, back to toiletries.
What happened to the nicer ads?
Wait a minute, there's no such thing as the nicer ads.
They're all crap.
There's the diaper ones, the "brand X is more absorbant than brand Y... We even poured blue slime over them to prove it!", the "cotton-y feel" bull crap, the one where she's not comfortable bending over in yoga, and-
Who the hell cares.
I'll tell you what these companies should do, and I'm quoting a good friend:
"Absolutely nothing. We know to buy tampons and towels without hearing it on the damn TV. Like with comdoms and tissue-paper."
It's not that I think anyone should be ashamed of their period.
Periods are (hypothetically) beautiful.
I just think the way they're portrayed on TV is disgusting:
Woman: "Go away, perverted co-worker."
Perverted co-worker: "Fuck you, you bitch! What are you, PMSing?"
Someone shoot him.
Comedy my ass.
"نزول الدوره شيء جميل..رائع"
-أبله كوثر
ubergirl
Saturday, October 21, 2006
Somewhere Over The Rainbow
I'm having a wizard of Oz moment. I have been living in these shoes for three days. They're the only (really pretty) ones that my plastered foot fits into.
My very own Ruby Slippers.
I also only walk on yellow... Err... Things.
Honestly, there aren't enough yellow anything raods on this earth.
I demand more yellow brick roads!
MY TOE IS BROKEN.
My every desire must be met.
Hop to it.
In other news, it is now 6:51 AM and Mona and I still haven't slept.
We're quite proud of ourselves.
At sunrise strange things happen to your brain.
Very...
Very strange things.
I don't even remember taking that last one. Let alone remember the excuse.
Mona is fucking delirious.
Runs in the family.
ubergirl87
Tuesday, October 17, 2006
It's Broken
I.
Broke.
My.
Little.
Toe.
When I was younger I read (I think it was) a Sweetvalley book, and one of the girls had broken her arm and was getting chocolate bars and the remote control and nice-ness in general from everyone.
In reality, when you're 19 and not 8, no one really gives a shit about your broken pinky toe. Let alone share their damn candy.
You get a little "awww! How did it happen?" but once you tell them you were running around the house (literally) at 3 AM like a moron the look of sympathy is replaced with the 'God, I knew you'd hurt yourself being yourself one day.' face.
In other words, laughter.
And mockery in general.
Drama drama drama.
And yet, for some bewildering reason...
I'm still in love with life.
The love-struck,
ubergirl
Broke.
My.
Little.
Toe.
When I was younger I read (I think it was) a Sweetvalley book, and one of the girls had broken her arm and was getting chocolate bars and the remote control and nice-ness in general from everyone.
In reality, when you're 19 and not 8, no one really gives a shit about your broken pinky toe. Let alone share their damn candy.
You get a little "awww! How did it happen?" but once you tell them you were running around the house (literally) at 3 AM like a moron the look of sympathy is replaced with the 'God, I knew you'd hurt yourself being yourself one day.' face.
In other words, laughter.
And mockery in general.
Drama drama drama.
And yet, for some bewildering reason...
I'm still in love with life.
The love-struck,
ubergirl
Friday, October 13, 2006
The Denmark Archives
Oooh the Pope said something mean about Muslims!
Let's all sit around and pout!
For fuck's sake.
Why is it that people only pay attention to what the Pope (or the Dutch) say(s) when it's going to offend us? We couldn't care less what they think otherwise.
Honestly, who cares what anyone thinks of Arabs or Muslims.
I mean, people who think anything at all are automatically racist (or generalizing). Not that we should care, though.
Think about it. No-one started 'randomly' searching white American men at airports after the Oklahoma bombing.
No-one thinks 'opressed' when they see a Japanese woman in her traditional Kimono.
Why is the 9/11 attack any different than Oklahoma? Why is a Kimono any different than a Hijab?
The next time someone asks whether you know any terrorists after you tell them you're Saudi or Muslim or Arabic, don't try to clear anything up or 'salvage' our reputation.
When some cartoonist makes fun of our Prophet, don't pay any attention to it.
We know you love him.... It's probably why you choose to follow his risala.
There is no need to shout your loyalty off roof tops, unless ofcourse, you feel the need to prove something...
Our Prophet (pbuh) has clearly demonstrated that mockery should not be met with outrage. Al-Rasool chose to ignore mockery, didn't he?
Why do some Muslims today continuously give attention (and, consequently, further media coverage and exposure) to it?
Do Muslims today feel that Al-Rasool's method was perhaps... Not good enough for them?
I doubt it.
We love our Prophet, and Islam is definitely not a laughing matter, that's a given. We do not need to further clarify (nor get angry about) anthing.
Terrorists come in all shapes, sizes, colors and nationalities. Hate manifests itself in many things.
We (Arabs, Muslims) do not need to justify ourselves or give excuses.
If you think we're hateful or primitive, we shouldn't care.
If you don't think "we" are anything, if you think humans are idividuals and generalizing and discriminating against people according to race or religion is as logical as discriminating against people who own blue umbrellas and enjoy collecting nail clippings, then your brain is fantastical.
Help me channel our fellow Muslim's fruitless frustration into something more productive, like, getting Somalia out of the little rut it's in. You know, it can't be a lot of fun being the most poverty-stricken country in the world.
I actually believe Somalia needs more attention than Denmark and, yes, even the Pope.
I'm evil, you see.
ubergirl
Let's all sit around and pout!
For fuck's sake.
Why is it that people only pay attention to what the Pope (or the Dutch) say(s) when it's going to offend us? We couldn't care less what they think otherwise.
Honestly, who cares what anyone thinks of Arabs or Muslims.
I mean, people who think anything at all are automatically racist (or generalizing). Not that we should care, though.
Think about it. No-one started 'randomly' searching white American men at airports after the Oklahoma bombing.
No-one thinks 'opressed' when they see a Japanese woman in her traditional Kimono.
Why is the 9/11 attack any different than Oklahoma? Why is a Kimono any different than a Hijab?
The next time someone asks whether you know any terrorists after you tell them you're Saudi or Muslim or Arabic, don't try to clear anything up or 'salvage' our reputation.
When some cartoonist makes fun of our Prophet, don't pay any attention to it.
We know you love him.... It's probably why you choose to follow his risala.
There is no need to shout your loyalty off roof tops, unless ofcourse, you feel the need to prove something...
Our Prophet (pbuh) has clearly demonstrated that mockery should not be met with outrage. Al-Rasool chose to ignore mockery, didn't he?
Why do some Muslims today continuously give attention (and, consequently, further media coverage and exposure) to it?
Do Muslims today feel that Al-Rasool's method was perhaps... Not good enough for them?
I doubt it.
We love our Prophet, and Islam is definitely not a laughing matter, that's a given. We do not need to further clarify (nor get angry about) anthing.
Terrorists come in all shapes, sizes, colors and nationalities. Hate manifests itself in many things.
We (Arabs, Muslims) do not need to justify ourselves or give excuses.
If you think we're hateful or primitive, we shouldn't care.
If you don't think "we" are anything, if you think humans are idividuals and generalizing and discriminating against people according to race or religion is as logical as discriminating against people who own blue umbrellas and enjoy collecting nail clippings, then your brain is fantastical.
Help me channel our fellow Muslim's fruitless frustration into something more productive, like, getting Somalia out of the little rut it's in. You know, it can't be a lot of fun being the most poverty-stricken country in the world.
I actually believe Somalia needs more attention than Denmark and, yes, even the Pope.
I'm evil, you see.
ubergirl
Thursday, October 12, 2006
"If You Put Things Off 'Till The Last Minute,
They only take a minute to do."
That's good advice.
You're welcome.
God, my friends are amazing.
ubergirl
Monday, October 09, 2006
Animal Crackers In My Soup...
I was sitting with a group of girls who were basically forcing their presence upon me.
It was okay untill they started talking about how much they spend on Chanel in Paris every year.
It became some sort of competition. Who spent the most money and where.
I'm sorry, I just threw up in my mouth a little.
Why do they think how much money their daddy makes/inherited is something to show off about? There are about 289738947209837249 people all around the world who can afford a Gucci key chain and a trip to Geneva.
It's not very special, I promise you.
I have a better idea for a competition: Who can burn their money the fastest.
Or who can eat a whole fried pink hippo in under three minutes.
I know what you're saying; 'Ubergirl, we do not mean to question your awesome brain power, but is there such a thing as a pink hippo?'
Yes.
My point is, saying you bought a Chanel bag is as pointless as pink hippo eating contests (which don't exist, because obviously pink hippos are an endangered species.)
I think I'm allegic to people.
ubergirl
PS. Wish me a happy birthday, everyone!
It was okay untill they started talking about how much they spend on Chanel in Paris every year.
It became some sort of competition. Who spent the most money and where.
I'm sorry, I just threw up in my mouth a little.
Why do they think how much money their daddy makes/inherited is something to show off about? There are about 289738947209837249 people all around the world who can afford a Gucci key chain and a trip to Geneva.
It's not very special, I promise you.
I have a better idea for a competition: Who can burn their money the fastest.
Or who can eat a whole fried pink hippo in under three minutes.
I know what you're saying; 'Ubergirl, we do not mean to question your awesome brain power, but is there such a thing as a pink hippo?'
Yes.
My point is, saying you bought a Chanel bag is as pointless as pink hippo eating contests (which don't exist, because obviously pink hippos are an endangered species.)
I think I'm allegic to people.
ubergirl
PS. Wish me a happy birthday, everyone!
Thursday, October 05, 2006
Saudi Television Is Becoming Controversial. Finally.
Am I the only one who is happy our social problems have been put on "display for the world to see" on Tash-ma-tash? ( a Saudi Ramadhan TV show)
When will we understand that nobody cares about our moronic social problems?
People think they're funny. Franky, if I didn't have to deal with them on a daily basis, I'd think they're fuckin' hillarious!
I'm talking about the Hay'a, the sexism, and the tribal hang-ups.
No, I don't think I'm being un-patriotic by enjoying this "embarrassment." I think everyone else is being un-patriotic by continuing to practice or support the afore mentioned issues. I don't usually know how most people think, but isn't being sexist and thinking you're better than everyone because your great-great-great (x 298) grandfather belonged to some tribe considered the true embarrassment to your country?
And no, I don't think talking about our problems makes them worse. Sure, on Tash, they're mostly making fun, but atleast they're getting people talking! After that one episode we talked about the tribal issues at the dinner table! We all got to express our outrage at what's hapening! It was glorious!
Only when we communicate will we begin to resolve our issues.
This year Tash has exceeded my expectations.
Sure, I didn't expect much in the first place, and they didn't really deliver anything spectacular, but I am grateful to them for bringing up important issues.
I only hope they're not put off by negative feedback.
ubergirl
When will we understand that nobody cares about our moronic social problems?
People think they're funny. Franky, if I didn't have to deal with them on a daily basis, I'd think they're fuckin' hillarious!
I'm talking about the Hay'a, the sexism, and the tribal hang-ups.
No, I don't think I'm being un-patriotic by enjoying this "embarrassment." I think everyone else is being un-patriotic by continuing to practice or support the afore mentioned issues. I don't usually know how most people think, but isn't being sexist and thinking you're better than everyone because your great-great-great (x 298) grandfather belonged to some tribe considered the true embarrassment to your country?
And no, I don't think talking about our problems makes them worse. Sure, on Tash, they're mostly making fun, but atleast they're getting people talking! After that one episode we talked about the tribal issues at the dinner table! We all got to express our outrage at what's hapening! It was glorious!
Only when we communicate will we begin to resolve our issues.
This year Tash has exceeded my expectations.
Sure, I didn't expect much in the first place, and they didn't really deliver anything spectacular, but I am grateful to them for bringing up important issues.
I only hope they're not put off by negative feedback.
ubergirl
Sunday, October 01, 2006
Yes, I Still Watch Survivor. Leave Me Alone.
Who watches Survivor Cook Islands?
It's fascinating.
I'm serious.
At first I bought the whole "social experiment" thing. But now I know better.
Firstly, people shouldn't be thought of as Asian, Hispanic, black, or caucasian, let alone be sorted according to race. People are people. Race should never have been an issue, ever.
Secondly, I don't consider myself at all racist. I'm probably the farthest thing from it.
But this is what I caught coming myself saying while watching Survivor:
"I hope the Japanese team wins.
... Asian, sorry."
"How come the black guy's so aggresive?"
"That blonde girl is such an idiot. My God!"
I rest my case.
I'm not saying watching Survivor will make you racist. I'm saying it makes you say things and think things.
Not all Koreans are smart, idealistic, and good looking. (Okay maybe they are.)
Not all men of African decent are aggressive.
And not all blondes are stupid.
Other than that, I'm actually enjoying it.
I hope Yul wins.
I also hope I'm not the only one who wants him and the other Korean chick (Rebecca?) to hook up. They'd be the cutest couple in the world.
Go Yul!
Okay. Gushing over.
Actually, post over.
ubergirl
Wednesday, September 27, 2006
Green Is Also The Color Of Snot, You Know.
I tried to ignore it. I really did.
This obnoxius "patriotism" is getting on my nerves.
The national day was last week, for God's sake! Why are people still "celebrating"?
Don't get me wrong, I am all for freedom of... Expression, if you want to call it that. I don't care if you want to wear green, red, blue or walk around naked to celebrate your country. Just don't nag me to join in the fun.
And do not pollute the stratosphere with your sickening rendition of a world cup song.
Believe it or not, wearing your flag on a t-shirt and singing does not make you a good citizen. And I'm afraid it doesn't even make you look like a good citizen.
Here's what does:
When your fellow Saudi is forced to divorce his wife because he is not "tribal", you do anything you can to help. You openly express your dismay, atleast.
Not agree with the judge.
Not think "how could she marry a non-tribal man, anyway?!"
I cannot begin to express how revolted I am by this story, and people's reactions to it.
How do people live with this much ignorance? Seriously?
ubergirl
This obnoxius "patriotism" is getting on my nerves.
The national day was last week, for God's sake! Why are people still "celebrating"?
Don't get me wrong, I am all for freedom of... Expression, if you want to call it that. I don't care if you want to wear green, red, blue or walk around naked to celebrate your country. Just don't nag me to join in the fun.
And do not pollute the stratosphere with your sickening rendition of a world cup song.
Believe it or not, wearing your flag on a t-shirt and singing does not make you a good citizen. And I'm afraid it doesn't even make you look like a good citizen.
Here's what does:
When your fellow Saudi is forced to divorce his wife because he is not "tribal", you do anything you can to help. You openly express your dismay, atleast.
Not agree with the judge.
Not think "how could she marry a non-tribal man, anyway?!"
I cannot begin to express how revolted I am by this story, and people's reactions to it.
How do people live with this much ignorance? Seriously?
ubergirl
Sunday, September 24, 2006
Ramadhan Kareem!
Sometimes I wish I were American.
Because if I were, I'd just sue the hell out of everyone who annoys me (for emotional distress) and be done with it.
I'd be very rich and happy.
And they'd deserve loosing all their money because if you bother me then you're a shit eating shit head.
Who eats their own shit.
And everyone knows shit eating shit heads who eat their own shit don't need any money.
So I'd be doing everyone a favour by sueing them for all they're worth, really.
I'm so thoughtful.
I saw the Hay'a today, for the first time since I got back from our trip.
I hate them so bad. The ones I saw today were perverted and may God never forgive them.
It is not their place to tell me what will make my God happy.
I would've slapped 'em with about 10 million zillion lawsuits if I ruled the world.
On second thought, they wouldn't exist if I ruled the world.
Don't you wish I ruled the world?
Me too.
ubergirl
Because if I were, I'd just sue the hell out of everyone who annoys me (for emotional distress) and be done with it.
I'd be very rich and happy.
And they'd deserve loosing all their money because if you bother me then you're a shit eating shit head.
Who eats their own shit.
And everyone knows shit eating shit heads who eat their own shit don't need any money.
So I'd be doing everyone a favour by sueing them for all they're worth, really.
I'm so thoughtful.
I saw the Hay'a today, for the first time since I got back from our trip.
I hate them so bad. The ones I saw today were perverted and may God never forgive them.
It is not their place to tell me what will make my God happy.
I would've slapped 'em with about 10 million zillion lawsuits if I ruled the world.
On second thought, they wouldn't exist if I ruled the world.
Don't you wish I ruled the world?
Me too.
ubergirl
Monday, September 18, 2006
I'm Hungry
I slept for 12 hours last night.
Phew.
I'm exhausted.
School is such a horrible place.
Where horrible people socialize.
And emit horrible odors.
I am so sick of interrupting my much needed sleep to go there. It's an hour long drive from my house. And going there is like stepping back into the year 1756.
I wouldn't be surprised if people still considered camels a serious mode of transport over in that part of the city.
Not that camels aren't charming. They are. Especially when they spew out the contents of their stomaches, which (I have noticed) are usually green.
You're welcome. (For the lovely visual up there)
Why is everyone at school so boring? And more importantly, why do they all have the same face? And dress sense?
The other day I laughed at David Letterman. You know your life is lacking in excitement when you laugh at a Letterman joke.
Honestly, what a stale, boring man.
Why is he still on TV? What is he, 97?
Everyone knows Conan's the man.
Long live the string bikini dance.
ubergirl
Phew.
I'm exhausted.
School is such a horrible place.
Where horrible people socialize.
And emit horrible odors.
I am so sick of interrupting my much needed sleep to go there. It's an hour long drive from my house. And going there is like stepping back into the year 1756.
I wouldn't be surprised if people still considered camels a serious mode of transport over in that part of the city.
Not that camels aren't charming. They are. Especially when they spew out the contents of their stomaches, which (I have noticed) are usually green.
You're welcome. (For the lovely visual up there)
Why is everyone at school so boring? And more importantly, why do they all have the same face? And dress sense?
The other day I laughed at David Letterman. You know your life is lacking in excitement when you laugh at a Letterman joke.
Honestly, what a stale, boring man.
Why is he still on TV? What is he, 97?
Everyone knows Conan's the man.
Long live the string bikini dance.
ubergirl
Wednesday, September 13, 2006
And She Saves Lives, Too!
I was by the pool and one of the kids was drowning.
I can't believe how long it took for what was happening to register.
I felt shock and fear and I know everyone there froze. You can't help it. Your body just doesn't work anymore... You feel... heavy, is the closest word to it.
Next thing I know I'm in the pool lifting her out of the water. She was okay.
Very very shaken, but okay.
I like to think that I looked heroic. I dived (ever so gracefully) into the pool, fought off a killer whale, and retrieved the drowning child.
In reality she was in the shallow end. And I didn't dive. (Because if you dive into the shallow end you break your brain.)
The killer whale was totally there, though.
"You managed to find a reason to jump into the pool fully clothed on the one day you weren't wearing those sweatpants of yours. Good job!"
(After hearing of the incident) "Haha how stupid did you feel walking out of the pool in your sneakers? Man I'll bet it was the funniest thing..."
"It wasn't. Infact, I looked very cool. And sophisticated.
Just go away."
"Uber, what on earth are you going to do?"
"I can just borrow something from so&so's closet. It's no big deal. Although I didn't realize wet jeans are this heavy-"
"So&so's clothes are too small for you."
Leave it to my family to make you feel fat after rescuing a drowning child infront of their very eyes.
This post is going to inspire a Baywatch reunion or something, isn't it?
I can feel it.
I better get fucking payed if it does.
I do all the work around here. (Here being planet earth.)
ubergirl
I can't believe how long it took for what was happening to register.
I felt shock and fear and I know everyone there froze. You can't help it. Your body just doesn't work anymore... You feel... heavy, is the closest word to it.
Next thing I know I'm in the pool lifting her out of the water. She was okay.
Very very shaken, but okay.
I like to think that I looked heroic. I dived (ever so gracefully) into the pool, fought off a killer whale, and retrieved the drowning child.
In reality she was in the shallow end. And I didn't dive. (Because if you dive into the shallow end you break your brain.)
The killer whale was totally there, though.
"You managed to find a reason to jump into the pool fully clothed on the one day you weren't wearing those sweatpants of yours. Good job!"
(After hearing of the incident) "Haha how stupid did you feel walking out of the pool in your sneakers? Man I'll bet it was the funniest thing..."
"It wasn't. Infact, I looked very cool. And sophisticated.
Just go away."
"Uber, what on earth are you going to do?"
"I can just borrow something from so&so's closet. It's no big deal. Although I didn't realize wet jeans are this heavy-"
"So&so's clothes are too small for you."
Leave it to my family to make you feel fat after rescuing a drowning child infront of their very eyes.
This post is going to inspire a Baywatch reunion or something, isn't it?
I can feel it.
I better get fucking payed if it does.
I do all the work around here. (Here being planet earth.)
ubergirl
Tuesday, September 12, 2006
Bringin' Sexy Back. (I'm running low on creativity. Give me a break.)
The death of Steve Irwin made me sad. He was so enthusiastic. (That's not why I was sad, I was just stating a random Croc Hunter fact.)
And now Anna Nicole Smith (of Anna Anna Anna Anna Nicole! She's so outrageous!)'s 20 year old son.
Death is so scary to me. I like stability. It scares me that I don't know when my time's gonna be up.
On a much lighter note, the Bring the Sexy Cow back petition I signed (in my head) has worked. She's baaaaaack!
And I will personally walk to her house and slap her if she ever quits again. I know where she lives. Ya Mona.
ubergirl
And now Anna Nicole Smith (of Anna Anna Anna Anna Nicole! She's so outrageous!)'s 20 year old son.
Death is so scary to me. I like stability. It scares me that I don't know when my time's gonna be up.
On a much lighter note, the Bring the Sexy Cow back petition I signed (in my head) has worked. She's baaaaaack!
And I will personally walk to her house and slap her if she ever quits again. I know where she lives. Ya Mona.
ubergirl
Saturday, September 09, 2006
I Make My Head Spin
I am such an emotional wreck these days.
Everything makes me cry now. (So leave me nice comments, you jerks.)
I didn't go to school today because I overslept.
I'm so over that place anyway. I havn't yet learned anything new there. Except for the fact that I could teach all of them a few things.
Everyone always says college is a good experience because you meet people from all walks of life and bla bla bla.
Well guess what?
I'm not impressed by people from all walks of life.
I don't really know how to adequately describe my feelings towards the human race.
I don't know whether it is that I'm not surprised by anyone anymore, or that everything and everyone absolutely shocks me.
Crazy, I know.
I want to get in touch with myself now. I really do.
Someone once told me that because we are originally Bedouins, only the desert can soothe us. Quite frankly, that might be spot on.
I know rivers and forests and hills do nothing for me. Nice scenery in general does nothing for me. Except pictures of deserts and sand dunes. I've always been drawn to them.
The last time I went to the desert I was like, ten. I saw a snake.
I almost pissed my pants I swear.
Getting in touch with yourself sounds so glamorous. Like drugs and suicide. (Joke.)
Plus, Bedouins are terribly sexy, you know.
ubergirl
Everything makes me cry now. (So leave me nice comments, you jerks.)
I didn't go to school today because I overslept.
I'm so over that place anyway. I havn't yet learned anything new there. Except for the fact that I could teach all of them a few things.
Everyone always says college is a good experience because you meet people from all walks of life and bla bla bla.
Well guess what?
I'm not impressed by people from all walks of life.
I don't really know how to adequately describe my feelings towards the human race.
I don't know whether it is that I'm not surprised by anyone anymore, or that everything and everyone absolutely shocks me.
Crazy, I know.
I want to get in touch with myself now. I really do.
Someone once told me that because we are originally Bedouins, only the desert can soothe us. Quite frankly, that might be spot on.
I know rivers and forests and hills do nothing for me. Nice scenery in general does nothing for me. Except pictures of deserts and sand dunes. I've always been drawn to them.
The last time I went to the desert I was like, ten. I saw a snake.
I almost pissed my pants I swear.
Getting in touch with yourself sounds so glamorous. Like drugs and suicide. (Joke.)
Plus, Bedouins are terribly sexy, you know.
ubergirl
Monday, September 04, 2006
I Live Amongst Strange People
My family is very tight-knit. We gather three times a week for lunch, and they put you through hell if you don't show up.
They are very... Colorful people.
I do love them. I really do.
I just have no fucking clue why.
They can be pushy. And insensitive. And hurtful. And sometimes, they take you for granted.
"Ubergirl, you've gained weight."
"No, I haven't."
"What do you mean you havent!? Am I imagining the weight you've gained!?"
"Am I imagining that the number on the scale hasn't changed for the past 6 months?"
"Yes."
"How convenient."
"UBERGIRL! WHY ARE YOU STANDING!? WE DO NOT EAT STANDING UP IN THIS HOUSE! YOU WILL SIT DOWN THIS INSTANT. DON'T ARGUE WITH ME!!!"
I sit. But not at the table. On a couch. Because my family has not yet noticed that its members have doubled in number during the past three years, and the table we sit at has not grown, nor have they provided extra seating.
And I'll be damned if I sit at the children's table.
While I am watching a good show on TV:
"Where the hell is my KitKat!? Uber did you eat my KitKat!?"
"I didn't touch your god damn KitKat. Leave me alone."
"Then where the hell is it!?"
"Hold on, let me use my KitKat Tracking powers... Hummm..... HOW THE HELL WOULD I KNOW WHERE YOUR KITKAT IS!? YA ALLAH!"
"Fine. You don't have to shout."
To get you to shut up yes I fucking do, evidently!
"Can I borrow that white shirt you wore last week?" I ask my sister.
Someone laughs.
"It wouldn't fit you!"
I don't say anything. Because it does fit.
And the only thing I can think of to say is very very mean.
After almost breaking my back helping someone move some ridiculously large vases from one part of the house to another, I get fucking shouted at because one of the 38947039 kids left their shoe somewhere and someone almost tripped over it.
I so should have ignored the blinding pain in my back, ignored that I wanted to get this over and done with, ignored the fact that I and my sister were the only people made to 'help' with this chore, and looked out for things that would potentially trip people up, and lifted them off the floor. I'm such a jackass.
"Ubergirl, what on earth are you wearing."
"Uhh... Sweatpants?"
"Those are GYM clothes!"
"They're comfortable."
"Huh!"
"Whaat? I always wear these when I come here."
"Ofcourse you do! That's why you always look... Disheveled!"
"Yeah. On purpose. Grunge is making a comeback, you know."
"Allah Yihdeeki bass." (May God.. Something. I don't know, lol.)
"Ubergirl, would you go ask so and so to do this and that and the other thing?"
"Ubergirl, please run upstairs and get me my glasses? Not the frameless ones!"
"UBER! Where have you been? I want your opinion on so and so."
"Uber, that's a very... Err.. Interesting outfit you're wearing.."
All at the exact same time.
Can you imagine.
All at once. And they don't hear eachother. In their little lala land, they're the only one who is asking me to do something or expecting me to give them an answer. I cannot at all give four people the same ammount of concentratin at the same time. So what I end up doing is making some lame joke out of it: "Boy, am I on demand!" Or, "I'm glad to see no one hates me anymore."
No one ever gets it.
A conversation with my father while I'm watching Prison Break:
"How very beneficial for Fox that everyone in this prison is good-looking."
"It's just these two that are. Not the whole prison, Baba."
Three minutes later:
"Tattoos? What- No one's suspicious? Are you actually buying this?"
"Yes, thank you. Now will you quit poking holes in the plot? Please Baba! I'm enjoing this."
He looks disappointed.
And the classic:
"Ubergirl did this and that." (Yes, they know I'm in the room.)
"Yes, only because-"
"Whaaat?!"
"You cannot be serious! What do you think, uber'smom?"
"I've given up. It's a lost cause."
"Will you just let me explain! I-"
"That girl is crazy, I tell you. Crazy."
They only stop talking about me when I leave the room. I am convinced it's a prank. They probably laugh for hours once I'm gone.
That was absolutely nothing, by the way. I have witnessed much, much worse done to other members. I live amongst strange people.
"The family - that dear octopus from whose tentacles we never quite escape, nor, in our inmost hearts, ever quite wish to. " -Dodie Smith.
ubergirl
They are very... Colorful people.
I do love them. I really do.
I just have no fucking clue why.
They can be pushy. And insensitive. And hurtful. And sometimes, they take you for granted.
"Ubergirl, you've gained weight."
"No, I haven't."
"What do you mean you havent!? Am I imagining the weight you've gained!?"
"Am I imagining that the number on the scale hasn't changed for the past 6 months?"
"Yes."
"How convenient."
"UBERGIRL! WHY ARE YOU STANDING!? WE DO NOT EAT STANDING UP IN THIS HOUSE! YOU WILL SIT DOWN THIS INSTANT. DON'T ARGUE WITH ME!!!"
I sit. But not at the table. On a couch. Because my family has not yet noticed that its members have doubled in number during the past three years, and the table we sit at has not grown, nor have they provided extra seating.
And I'll be damned if I sit at the children's table.
While I am watching a good show on TV:
"Where the hell is my KitKat!? Uber did you eat my KitKat!?"
"I didn't touch your god damn KitKat. Leave me alone."
"Then where the hell is it!?"
"Hold on, let me use my KitKat Tracking powers... Hummm..... HOW THE HELL WOULD I KNOW WHERE YOUR KITKAT IS!? YA ALLAH!"
"Fine. You don't have to shout."
To get you to shut up yes I fucking do, evidently!
"Can I borrow that white shirt you wore last week?" I ask my sister.
Someone laughs.
"It wouldn't fit you!"
I don't say anything. Because it does fit.
And the only thing I can think of to say is very very mean.
After almost breaking my back helping someone move some ridiculously large vases from one part of the house to another, I get fucking shouted at because one of the 38947039 kids left their shoe somewhere and someone almost tripped over it.
I so should have ignored the blinding pain in my back, ignored that I wanted to get this over and done with, ignored the fact that I and my sister were the only people made to 'help' with this chore, and looked out for things that would potentially trip people up, and lifted them off the floor. I'm such a jackass.
"Ubergirl, what on earth are you wearing."
"Uhh... Sweatpants?"
"Those are GYM clothes!"
"They're comfortable."
"Huh!"
"Whaat? I always wear these when I come here."
"Ofcourse you do! That's why you always look... Disheveled!"
"Yeah. On purpose. Grunge is making a comeback, you know."
"Allah Yihdeeki bass." (May God.. Something. I don't know, lol.)
"Ubergirl, would you go ask so and so to do this and that and the other thing?"
"Ubergirl, please run upstairs and get me my glasses? Not the frameless ones!"
"UBER! Where have you been? I want your opinion on so and so."
"Uber, that's a very... Err.. Interesting outfit you're wearing.."
All at the exact same time.
Can you imagine.
All at once. And they don't hear eachother. In their little lala land, they're the only one who is asking me to do something or expecting me to give them an answer. I cannot at all give four people the same ammount of concentratin at the same time. So what I end up doing is making some lame joke out of it: "Boy, am I on demand!" Or, "I'm glad to see no one hates me anymore."
No one ever gets it.
A conversation with my father while I'm watching Prison Break:
"How very beneficial for Fox that everyone in this prison is good-looking."
"It's just these two that are. Not the whole prison, Baba."
Three minutes later:
"Tattoos? What- No one's suspicious? Are you actually buying this?"
"Yes, thank you. Now will you quit poking holes in the plot? Please Baba! I'm enjoing this."
He looks disappointed.
And the classic:
"Ubergirl did this and that." (Yes, they know I'm in the room.)
"Yes, only because-"
"Whaaat?!"
"You cannot be serious! What do you think, uber'smom?"
"I've given up. It's a lost cause."
"Will you just let me explain! I-"
"That girl is crazy, I tell you. Crazy."
They only stop talking about me when I leave the room. I am convinced it's a prank. They probably laugh for hours once I'm gone.
That was absolutely nothing, by the way. I have witnessed much, much worse done to other members. I live amongst strange people.
"The family - that dear octopus from whose tentacles we never quite escape, nor, in our inmost hearts, ever quite wish to. " -Dodie Smith.
ubergirl
Sunday, September 03, 2006
Don't Get Excited
Girls, I don't care what age you are, if you have any questions about anything, please Email me. I don't have to know who you are, I won't ask. But if you need advice, or anything else please let me know. About absolutely anything. I won't judge, I promise.
I'm sorry I haven't posted anything new in so long, it's just that there is nothing new. I'm in a much better mood than usual today. I don't feel like whining about anything in particular... Except (you knew it was coming), the fact that girls here are so confused. Secretly confused. There are many things you can't talk about with your friends, and parents and teachers are out of the question. That is really why I'd like you girls to Email me. I might be able to help.
Guys too, actually. Do not hesitate to ask.
I'm looking up at the sky, and it's like there's a big cloud of dust hovering over the city. I'm fascinated.
Peace and love!
ubergirl
I'm sorry I haven't posted anything new in so long, it's just that there is nothing new. I'm in a much better mood than usual today. I don't feel like whining about anything in particular... Except (you knew it was coming), the fact that girls here are so confused. Secretly confused. There are many things you can't talk about with your friends, and parents and teachers are out of the question. That is really why I'd like you girls to Email me. I might be able to help.
Guys too, actually. Do not hesitate to ask.
I'm looking up at the sky, and it's like there's a big cloud of dust hovering over the city. I'm fascinated.
Peace and love!
ubergirl
Monday, August 28, 2006
"God Protect Me From Your "Followers""
I hate Abayas.
Stupid Hay'a sticking us in black Abayas. As if it weren't hot enough in Saudi Arabia!
I hate hate haaate the Hay'a.
I realize they're trying to be "religious", but I don't understand why they're trying to impose their "religion" upon everyone else! It's just so... Uncivilized!
I don't go around sharing my views on facial hair with them! I don't tell their wives and daughters and sisters and whoever the hell else they "own" how to dress and how to act and what to think!
They make us all do what they think is "right", and I think what they think is "right" is in fact wrong wrong wrong.
And let's not forget that the only thing in life that matters is what I, ubergirl, think. Just pretend you agree with that last sentence. I believe it. Please don't ruin that for me.
Why the hell do we listen to them? Why am I fucking scared of them!? It should be the other fucking way around! I know they've been given power, but who the fuck cares!
My highschool principle had power, I didn't give a shit. No-one gave a shit.
I hate the Hay'a so much.
ubergirl
Stupid Hay'a sticking us in black Abayas. As if it weren't hot enough in Saudi Arabia!
I hate hate haaate the Hay'a.
I realize they're trying to be "religious", but I don't understand why they're trying to impose their "religion" upon everyone else! It's just so... Uncivilized!
I don't go around sharing my views on facial hair with them! I don't tell their wives and daughters and sisters and whoever the hell else they "own" how to dress and how to act and what to think!
They make us all do what they think is "right", and I think what they think is "right" is in fact wrong wrong wrong.
And let's not forget that the only thing in life that matters is what I, ubergirl, think. Just pretend you agree with that last sentence. I believe it. Please don't ruin that for me.
Why the hell do we listen to them? Why am I fucking scared of them!? It should be the other fucking way around! I know they've been given power, but who the fuck cares!
My highschool principle had power, I didn't give a shit. No-one gave a shit.
I hate the Hay'a so much.
ubergirl
Wednesday, August 23, 2006
If You're Offended By This Then I Mean YOU.
Gentlemen, (or should I just be honest and call you complete wastes of oxygen and all other resources?)
Stalking me will not get you my number. It might provoke an outburst (which I will find theraputic and you will find excruciatingly embarrassing.) It will certainly trigger disgust, and pity, but absolutely nothing more, you perverts.
Being rude doesn't make you more of a "man", fucktard.
I will only ever give you the time of day when you are my intellectual equals. That's right, kids. NEVER.
So I suggest you give up and take on something more productive, like knitting (it's quite simple, don't worry.)
Try to grow a few feet while you're shopping at Burberry. And shave, you disgusting pigs. Everywhere. You look like Yetis.
Animal noises are not in the least attractive, you neanderthals.
And you're only rude to us Arab girls. Banat baladkum. Hatha badal ma t3amlooni zay o5tikum. Lazim anadee ilsecruty guard ilbree6ani 3ahsan ysa3idni 3alaikom. Wallah 3aib.
That, I will never understand.
I will, however, keep pointing it out to you.
ISTI7U 3ALA WJEEHKOM.
ubergirl
Stalking me will not get you my number. It might provoke an outburst (which I will find theraputic and you will find excruciatingly embarrassing.) It will certainly trigger disgust, and pity, but absolutely nothing more, you perverts.
Being rude doesn't make you more of a "man", fucktard.
I will only ever give you the time of day when you are my intellectual equals. That's right, kids. NEVER.
So I suggest you give up and take on something more productive, like knitting (it's quite simple, don't worry.)
Try to grow a few feet while you're shopping at Burberry. And shave, you disgusting pigs. Everywhere. You look like Yetis.
Animal noises are not in the least attractive, you neanderthals.
And you're only rude to us Arab girls. Banat baladkum. Hatha badal ma t3amlooni zay o5tikum. Lazim anadee ilsecruty guard ilbree6ani 3ahsan ysa3idni 3alaikom. Wallah 3aib.
That, I will never understand.
I will, however, keep pointing it out to you.
ISTI7U 3ALA WJEEHKOM.
ubergirl
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