Okay, why is everyone obsessed with phone calls!? They waste time, money, and fucking brain cells. Scientifically proven!
If you call me, and I don't pick up, it means I don't think your call is important enough for me to take.
It does not mean leave me another five missed calls, and it definitely does not mean try calling my house.
If I say 'Sorry, I misplaced my phone' ,or 'My phone wasn't with me at the time' or anything else, there's a very good chance I'm lying to you.
Why, you want to know? Why don't I just pick up!?
I'll tell you why! Do you know when the last time I had a decent, productive phone conversation was?
That's right. Never. And I very much doubt I ever will.
So, let me give you a crash course in phone call 'etiqquette':
Rule #1 Never, ever call without texting first. Send me a text message with all the wonderful, glorious facts you wish to shove into my brain. If I think whatever it is you want might be of some value to me, I'll call back.
Rule #2 Do not ring once and hang up, expecting me to call you back because you "Don't want to run up your phone bill". That is just rude. If you can't handle the simple task of controlling your phone bill, then you are irresponsible, and you do not deserve to have a cell phone.
Rule #3 When I say I'm busy, I mean I'm fucking busy. I don't care that you just want five seconds of my time. I'm busy.
Rule #4 If you want to talk to me, talk to me in person. What happened to good old fashioned face to face conversations, for God's sake!?
That is all for now.
And no, I will not be calling anyone back.