London, Baby! Yeah!

Tomorrow I will hand my parents an envelope right before I board the plane.
I will ask them to open it together when they get back home.

They will be in the living room. The TV will be blaring, and it will be about 3 AM.
Inside the envelope will be an article I cut out from a newspaper this morning.
The headline will read:
"Safar almorahi8een: 8unbola maw8oota"
"Teenagers On Holiday: A Time Bomb Waiting To Go Off"

I will be halfway to London.

LOVE YOU MAMA AND BABA!
I'LL MISS YOU!

No, really.

ubergirl

Hummm...

A friend of my mother's just got back from one of those mind, body and soul cleansing trecks in the forest/desert/mountains.
The ones where they sit around and do yoga and meditate all day.

I've never been good at any of that spiritual shit.
"Focus, and store all your energy in the space between your back and your assss... Hummmm..."

Not for me.

I love the big city life.
The Pollution.
The Corruption.
The gritty grime of it all! (Gritty grime is now a phrase.)

I cannot possibly sleep on a matt thingie in the middle of middle-of-no-where India and quit speaking and spend a week "finding myself."
What does that even mean; finding yourself.

I know where I am. I'm right here, writing this post.
In fact, I know where everyone who's reading this is right now: Sitting at your computer. In your house, office, or a net cafe, reading this post.

I should start charging for this.
I'd open my house to complete strangers, they'd sit by the pool and eat icecream and I'd point at each one and "find them."
I'd make millions.

Although I have to say I'm pretty jealous of the people who are all spiritual and shit.
It supposedly allows you to be very carefree.
I guess I'll never know.

ubergirl

Now I Know Why They Think We Like It When They Chase Us!

I woke up early this morning.
Early enough to have breakfast, a meal I very rarely get to experience. It was quite pleasant.

There really is nothing one can do at 10 AM.
I was channel surfing and came upon Rotana; our MTV.

I have to say, the music wasn't all that bad.
I kind of wished I was listening to it on one of our (three) radio stations instead of watching the videos, though.

Here's why:

In almost every other video, (they're all love songs) the guy... Well... Stalks the girl.
Hides outside her house.
Follows her around.
Watches her from afar.

Frightful.

I thought of how the average Saudi boy "gets" a girl.
Car chases.
Harassament.
Stalking.


I remember how as a child I, like most children my age, was not allowed to watch violence on television, because my parents were afraid I'd copy whatever I saw in the movie.

At the time, I thought they were being silly. Surely they knew I realized TV was just pretend?
Apparently, they did not.

And apparently, it is our full grown Saudi male who does not know TV is just pretend.

And yet... I am the one who "does not have the brain capacity of a male".

Interesting.


ubergirl

I Don't Want To Die Either

A little boy pointed at a picture of my grandfather and asked me why he died.
I am the worst person in the world to have the 'death talk' with a child. Sex talk I can do, but this...
Shit!

"So that God can take him to heaven."
"Why did God want to take him to heaven?"
"Okay... Listen up. Everyone dies. We're all gonna die someday. And it was just Grandpa's time to go."
"We're all gonna die?"

What do these mothers teach their kids! Oy!

"Yes. We're aaaaallll going to die one day."
"Even me?"
"After a very long, wonderful life, yes."
"Bass ana ma ab3'a amoot... Abi ag3id hina 3indikom." (But I don't want to die... I want to stay here with all of you.)
"Okay then! You won't die sweety!"

• I ruined a perfectly cheesy Chicken Soup Moment.
• I promised a child that he would not die.
• I failed to explain that people are happier when they die. (That's what they're telling kids these days, right?)
• I promised a child that he would not die.

He's like, four. And he's now worried he'll die.

Oh, well.

ubergirl

Green Beats Orange

I love my highschool friends.

Even when we haven't seen eachother in months, we might even look different, we always pick up right where we left off.
No formalities. Just us goofing around like we did in class two or six years ago.
I love that.
We don't pretend we haven't been through everything together.
We were all (and we still are, really) very close. We're very supportive of eachother, and we jump at the chance to offer help to any one of us who needs it.
We're family.
Whenever one of us was going to the supermarket or pharmacy, she'd ask if anyone in class needed anything, and someone always did.
Because going to the supermarket to only get one thing is stupid. You might aswell wait untill you need a bunch of stuff to go.
And I love how when you say, "Dammit! I'm out of clear nail polish!" in our class, a new bottle of clear nail polish would magically appear on your desk the next day.
Highschool might have sucked, but our class made it very bearable.

Today I called to ask a bunch of the girls to come over.
This is how I know nothing has changed:

"Hey!"
Groans.
"Wake up, it's fucking 3 O'Clock."
"What do you want?"
"Come over today."
"Okay. Are you gonna go get food? From the supermarket?"
"Uuhh... Yeah?"
"Great! Since you're going, could you get me a toothbrush?"
I laugh. "Sure."
"Listen, can you make sure it's not orange?"
"Not orange? Uhh...Oh-kaay..."
"Thanks. You're a life saver."

I got her a green one.

ubergirl

P.S.Check out this blog. Isn't it adoreable? She's only ten, so be nice, kids!

R E S P E C T

When somone dies, I believe their body must be handled with respect.
Not photographed for the world to see.
I don't care who the person was, or what they did with the time they had on this earth. If everyone in the world deserves one thing, it is for their remains to be respected.
Yes, Al-Zarquawi and Saddam's sons included.
And it's not just them.
There are photographs and footage of people dead and dying everywhere.

Let's try and have some respect, people.

2-2

When it comes to soccer I don't know very much:
Goal = Good!

Not goal = Bad!

We won! = Good!

We lost! = Bad!

We tied with Tunisia.
The two worst teams in the whole World Cup... Err... Thing, battling it out.

I don't care if we "played well."
We didn't win.
Why the hell didn't we win!?

Shit!

ubergirl

These Are The Things That Annoy Me As Of Late:

People, please turn off the lights when you exit the room!
Would it kill you to save some energy?
I didn't think so.

If you tell me that you think I dress too "racy", I will tell you that it's very hot outside.
If my reply does not satisfy you, then you should ask my mother to consider relocating me from the land of eternal summer.
I swear if she does it, you will never see me again.

Mama I don't understand! Why do I have to live here!? Why should I suffer from your and dad's poor judgement in residence!?
Why, why, why??

Fine I'll stop whining.
Sorry.

Stop talking to me about your daddy's Porche/BMW/Mercedes/Rolls Royce.
I swear to God I'm not impressed.
Wallah.
No, not even a little bit.


Nope, still not impressed.


ubergirl

Down In The Streets

Last night I went out for dinner.
As I was leaving the restaurant, I noticed there was a secutiry guard positioned right outside.
I thought that was nice, they're finally taking secutrity issues seriously.

When I got in the car, a little girl ran after me and tapped on my window.

I hate that. Parents making their children beg on the streets.
Even if (for whatever reason) they're not getting donations from an official orgaization, there are many Masjids all over the city that will offer shelter and food for the needy.

It is disgusting. If you're gonna beg do it yourself, don't send your kid out to do it for you, for fuck's sake.

It was particularly saddening because I can't remember the last time I saw a child begging in the streets of Riyadh.
And I know it' not his job, but the security guard should have called the police.

Children need stability. They need responsible adults to look after them.
No matter how much that girl's parents might say they love her, I will never believe them.
How can they possibly make their little girl run around barefoot in dark alleys asking strangers for money.
She was so small, and it was so dark, that the driver almost drove away. We didn't notice her at first, and we're probably not the only ones. We could have easily ran over her.
God.

Farm animals care more about their young than these people.
It should be illegal for irresponsible individuals to have children.

ubergirl

Star Shite

There's a girl that I like to talk with occasionally. She's very smart, and I generally like asking questions, so she's a good person to be around.
The other day a friend was going out with her and I tagged along. Smart girl brought a friend too.
So I'm having this very intense discussion with Smart girl, and out of no where her friend jumps right in and says (to me),
"What's you star sign?"
I almost slapped her, I swear to God.

I give her a look. You know which one I'm talking about.
"Libra."

And I go back to talking with Smart girl.

"Libra! I never would have guessed! You sure don't act like a Libran!"

EAT SHIT AND DIE.

"And how is a Libran supposed to act?"

"I don't know... Not like you." She giggles.

1. Can't she see we're having an important discussion?
2. Doesn't she know it's rude to interrupt people?
3. What is it with people and star signs these days!?

Everyone I meet wants to know what my star sign is!

"Oh no! Don't tell me! Let me guess!"

Fucking airheads. UGH.

ubergirl

Eve Will Be Back, Because I Said So

I'm sure if you read any other Saudi blog you know Eve's blog has been blocked.

And apparently we're all gonna be blocked eventually.
I'm terribly frightened. What ever will I do if my blog is next?!

Oh, I know!
I'll start another one. And another one. And another one...

You can't shut us up, my dears!
But hey, you can try.
Knock yourselves out.


Please fill this out. It'll only take 14 seconds of your time. I've timed it.
Thanks.

ubergirl

Good News!

Read this.

Now this:

تمكنت الأجهزة الأمنية في شرطة المنطقة الشرقية في السعودية من القبض على منتحل شخصية عضو هيئة الأمر بالمعروف والنهي عن المنكر، والذي ظهر أخيراً في وضع مخل بالآداب، مع فتاة في مقطع "بلوتوث" يتم تداوله على أجهزة الجوال.
وكانت شرطة الظهران قد تلقت بلاغاً من مواطن يؤكد معرفته بالشخص الذي ظهر في المقطع، حيث تم التحري عنه والقبض عليه.
وقالت صحيفة "الوطن" السعودية الخميس 1-6-2006 إن المقبوض عليه يعمل بشركة وطنية كبرى، وعمد في الفترة الأخيرة لإطلاق لحيته، والظهور بمظهر التقي الورع بهدف التمكن من تنفيذ جريمته. وتواصل الأجهزة الأمنية البحث عن شريكه في الجريمة ذاتها والذي تولى تصوير المشهد المخل.

Bottom line: He wasn't a Muttawa. And they arrested him.
I'm very happy.

Thanks Abdulla!

ubergirl

In Such An Ugly World, Something So Beautiful

When someone I care about is hurting, I always feel it is my responsibility to make it all better. And if I fail to make it all better I feel like shit. And I do now.

Because I can’t make it better.
I can’t make it better, and I want to. And I’m very used to getting what I want. I usually work hard for it, and I nearly always get it at the end.
And when someone I love, maybe even more than I love myself, is going through something like, say, a particularly nasty breakup, I go through it with her.

She has no idea I care this much. I don’t think anyone knows I care this much. But I do.
Maybe it’s the “big sister” instinct or whatever. The fact is that I love her so much, and I wish I could reach into her heart and make her stop loving that son of a bitch, but I can’t.
I want to beat him up so bad. He never deserved her.
He never will deserve even her toenail clippings, that scum.
Fuck all "players". That’s right; fuck you.

Don’t they know they’re hurting people? People I love?

He might have ruined the perfect person.
The world will never be the same.

One day he'll wake up and realize his whole life is nothing but a lie.
Then he'll be sorry.
Come to think of it, he's probably sorry already.
She will never forgive him.
And neither will I.
Scum.

He might have ruined the perfect person.
The world will never be the same.

ubergirl

Najdi Love!

Last night I read something quite... Disturbing.

I realize the rest of Saudi Arabia thinks we Najdis are barbarians, but please hear me out:
I am Najdi, and I never would have done that.
Never.
I am sorry you had to experience that, Mr.Yawmiyat. Really I am.

I have a story of my own.
My father was born in Najd, but grew up in Al-Shargiyah.
He was teased at school, they used to call him "Al-Najsi."
Not "Al-Najdi." Najsi.

My father tells us that story not with contempt or disfavor, he does not hold any grudges.
I wish I could say that was the end of this story.

When he was in second grade, he had a teacher that beat him every day.
He would walk into class and say, "Wain ilNajdi!?" (Where's the Najdi?)
The beatings got so bad that my father's older brother went to talk with the headmaster about it.

Second grade, can you imagine?

"What an assho- Err... What a jerk. Don't you hate him, Baba?" is what I said after hearing this story.
My dad just smiled and said: "No. He was ignorant. I pity him, but I do not hate nor resent him."
To this day my father refers to Ahl Al-Sharigiyah as the nicest people you will ever meet.

We could all learn something from this story.
I know that throughout history we Najdis have been absolutely horrid to the rest of you guys, I have heard all about the judges who always ruled in favour of the Najdi, the Quatif "quarantine", the butchering of innocent people in Hijaaz.
I've heard about it all, and it pains me. I hate to see anyone in the world suffering, let alone my own people (no not just the Najdis.)
We all have painful pasts. My (Najdi) grandfather watched the body of his aunt (that had been raped and murdered) being burried at the age of 11. He knew she was murdered and he had every reason to expect his mother, or even he, would be next.

My point is, and you knew this was coming, I am another "a7ma8" that is going to warn against generalization.
I of all people know it's hard not to generalize.
I know sometimes it even seems right, like when saying Najdis are idiots/jerks/jackasses/all of the above.
But let's be honest: it never is right.
If 99.9% of the population of Najd are idiots/jerks/jackasses/all of the above, it still wouldn't be fair to say they all are.

Thank you very much for not shoving a pen up that guy's ass, for not being violent or even rude. You really showed you are the bigger person.
And again, I'm sorry you have to go through that.

I look forward to the day we all become one big happy family!
My friend is telling me it'll never happen, let's prove her wrong.

ubergirl

PS. Wallah I love all of you guys! The Sunna, the Shee3a, il7jaaz, Najd, Shargiyah. You're all awesome! I feel all warm and fuzzy! Yay! Cupcakes for everyone!
Okay I'm going overboard. Sorry.

ubergirl

Agooool

Yesterday I was talking with my mother. Just the two of us. A very rare occurance.
"Mama you know Flana got engaged."
"Wallah? I didn't think she was... The marrying type."
I laughed.
"What does that mean?"
"She looks gay. Doesn't she?"

That's what I said when I heard the news of her engagement.

You never think your mother would share something like that with you. Who she thinks might be gay.
I feel as though she and I are closer now, for some reason. It is a very strange feeling.

ubergirl

I Need A New Nose To Go With This Outfit...

Everyone's getting plastic surgery now.


If you've had a boob job, please do not wear those skimpy halter tops until the bruising and swelling goes down. I beg of you.
I need to get a shirt that says that.

ubergirl

Do Whatever You Want With Humans... Just Leave The Poor Bunnies Alone!

I am all for animal rights.
I think endangered animals should be protected by the law.
I think hurting endangered animals is a crime.

However, I am not against testing medications on rodents.

First of all, before we even think about animal rights, we need to consider human rights.
Crazy, huh?
Let me see... Where in the world are human rights being violated...
Let's make a list:

1.Abu Ghraib.
Allow me to quote:
"... remember, this is just what the military could confirm as having happened:

a. (S) Punching, slapping, and kicking detainees; jumping on their naked feet;
b. (S) Videotaping and photographing naked male and female detainees;
c. (S) Forcibly arranging detainees in various sexually explicit positions for photographing;
d. (S) Forcing detainees to remove their clothing and keeping them naked for several days at a time;
e. (S) Forcing naked male detainees to wear women's underwear;
f. (S) Forcing groups of male detainees to masturbate themselves while being photographed and videotaped;
g. (S) Arranging naked male detainees in a pile and then jumping on them;
h. (S) Positioning a naked detainee on a MRE Box, with a sandbag on his head, and attaching wires to his fingers, toes, and penis to simulate electric torture;
i. (S) Writing "I am a Rapest" (sic) on the leg of a detainee alleged to have forcibly raped a 15-year old fellow detainee, and then photographing him naked;
j. (S) Placing a dog chain or strap around a naked detainee's neck and having a female Soldier pose for a picture;
k. (S) A male MP guard having sex with a female detainee;
l. (S) Using military working dogs (without muzzles) to intimidate and frighten detainees, and in at least one case biting and severely injuring a detainee;
m. (S) Taking photographs of dead Iraqi detainees.
a. (U) Breaking chemical lights and pouring the phosphoric liquid on detainees;
b. (U) Threatening detainees with a charged 9mm pistol;
c. (U) Pouring cold water on naked detainees;
d. (U) Beating detainees with a broom handle and a chair;
e. (U) Threatening male detainees with rape;
f. (U) Allowing a military police guard to stitch the wound of a detainee who was injured after being slammed against the wall in his cell;
g. (U) Sodomizing a detainee with a chemical light and perhaps a broom stick.
h. (U) Using military working dogs to frighten and intimidate detainees with threats of attack, and in one instance actually biting a detainee. "


2.Guantanamo Bay.



3.Darfur.


4.Rwanda.


I could go on forever.
Human rights are being violated everywhere. All the time.
And yet people seem to get more worked up about testing a drug on rats.
Don't they see the medications being tested will maybe save someone's life?

Wait a minute.. I'm being silly!
We can go test drugs on sick children in Nigeria!
We don't even have to tell the parents! Brilliant!
People in third world countries don't really deserve to live, anyway.

ubergirl

He's A Scumbag Don't Ya Know...

Arctic Monkeys are probably the best thing that's happened to Indie Rock since The Strokes.
Buy the CD. It's called "Whatever People Say I Am, That's What I'm Not."
Perfect ten.
Oh, my favorite track is Scummy, they changed it's name to "When The Sun Goes Down" when they released it as a single.
Don't really know why... Scummy is a better name for a song, I think.
They're awesome anyway.

ubergirl

I'm Warning You, This Is Ugly

"Today I'd like to talk about the issue of Saudi Arabian women driving cars."

God.

"All the liberals want women to drive here. But I don't think it would be right. Think of all the car accidents they'll cause! And a woman can't possibly drive her car alone. She'd have to be accompanied by her brother or something. And what man would stand to be driven around by a woman? I mean.. It's not right. And anyway.. A recent survey shows that only 32% of women actually want to drive."

"And who conducted this survey?"

"Oh, I did! Think about it... We'd have to have policewomen. How will that work!?"
She laughs.

I didn't argue because I don't have the time nor energy.
And because I knew it would be fruitless.
Some people are just idiots, and no matter how hard you try to knock some common sense into their heads, you fail.

الله يعظم أجرنا

(Do you know how long it took me to type that in Arabic?)

ubergirl

I Woke Up At 3PM

The internet at our house hasn't been woking for a few days.
I went to watch TV.
That wasn't working either.


What did people do before TV and the internet?

ubergirl